SuNfLoWeR.cOm

Baby Say Bye Bye Ummi, Ayah...

2012-02-02T16:03:00.005+08:00

Baby dah takder.

Baby nak teman ayah dan ummi 4 bulan jer.

I miss having baby so much... vomiting, nausea and all.

When I was at the hospital, I was very calm. Almost no emotion. I was just going through the motion... all the procedures. The moment I almost reached home after being discharged, all the emotions surfaced. Reality hit home. I felt very lonely. Hubby was coping too. Last nite was quite difficult to get through for both of us. I just knew we have to be strong for each other. insyaAllah baby is in a better place now. Sometimes, I do feel like kesian baby alone, kesian baby sejuk... have to remember she is in a better place.

Baby's sex still can't be determined. We would like to believe it's a girl.

The following is something I wrote offline while I was in the hospital. Nothing to do in the ward. I was just documenting events with not much feeling. It's helpful however as it records the events so I won't forget anything important.

--------- ***** ----------

Sat
Woke up around 2:40 am. Can't sleep till morning.
Doze off for a while around 7.
Breakfast fried mee with sambal.
Poop 3x. Hard ones, and painful tummy. I thought is it because of the fried mee? Later thoughts -- Is that actually effect of contraction?
Sleep early.

Sun
Woke up before 5 am. Urgent feeling to urinate. Almost didn't make it to the loo. A lot. Rush several times to the loo till around 10 before I took a bath to prepare to go to class. Later thoughts -- Is that really when my water broke?
Go to class. Lunch and dinner at cafe. I felt quite OK. No vomiting. Thought must be because I'm approaching 4 months. Happy I'm feeling better.
Quite jammed on the way back. People from long CNY holiday returning to KL.
Sleep early.

Mon
Woke up before 5 am. Sneezing...
Bleeding a little.
Stumped. Why? Only spotting, I could wait till morning to go to the hospital.
Hungry. Made Milo and had 3 pieces of biscuit.
Felt something, check, more bleeding, worried.
Toilet call, baby feet.
The private hospital I went for check up do not want to take the case. I would never go to them ever again.
Ambulance to Hospital Serdang.
Emergency room, asked to push, unsuccessful.
Sent to labour room.
Dr arrived at 10, tried pushing again, no luck. Given something to cause contraction. Nothing happened till 12:40. Baby's out 12:44. Placenta still inside. Wait for 1.5 hours, painful contraction. Dr helped get the placenta out. Poke and poke and poke in between contractions. Finally out at 2:45, no need for D&C.
Baby sent to mortuary. 60 grams.
Hubby arrived around 4 to take baby and perform burial at home.
Hubby reached hospital again around 6 and show burial video. So sad.
Why? Everyone said vomiting showed strong hormones, baby should be OK. Apparently not.
Warded for one night observation.
Can't sleep till midnight. My mind is busy, but I don't know what I was thinking.
Woke up at 2:40, can't sleep till 5. Thinking again, mind racing. Fell asleep till around breakfast time. Can't wait to go home. Dr just came, they will scan first, if everything clear, can be discharge today. Otherwise D&C.

--------- ***** ----------

Today, I received a call from 'the' private hospital. The nurse asked if i'm ok since my last visit. I told her what happened. Apparently, the emergency dept staff told my gynae someone called and they sent me to govt hospital. They must have received an earful from my gynae. Since they didn't asked for my name, she gets her nurse to call all her patients. Nice gesture, but it is too late. I know it's not her fault though. At least I got to tell her of our disappointment.

Miss u baby...

The Special Man - Part 2

2012-01-27T16:20:00.004+08:00

I wanna talk about this man. I missed him so much. Ever since I got pregnant, it has been all about me. My nausea and vomiting and dizziness and stuff like that. I still experience all those feelings but I am much better than before. I'm still not pass the spell but I didn't throw up all the time. I got hungry like every two hours and then I have to keep still to make sure the food stays down. I need to burp properly so the gas won't force the food out. I have headaches quite frequently now but all in all, I felt much better then when I was throwing up all the time.

I have some moments of respite from all the hormones every now and then. I managed to spend time with hubby like we used to do before the pregnancy hormones took over my bodily functions. We sit and cuddle and talk about sweet nothings, remembering the moments we first met, the moment we realize how much we care for each other and all the important moments in our life. It was very sweet. I also remember the time when I was alone, how much I enjoyed my activities, the stillness and peacefulness of the night...

There were also time when I thought how I could care for someone just like everyone else who have someone special in their life but there is no one important in my life (other than family of course). I just accept the fact that God has not given me the gift of care and love because there really is no one that I feel a special connection with. Maybe God has some other arrangements for me. Probably the turtle needs me or some NGOs helping people somewhere on this planet... I don't know. I was just waiting for the calling.

I received the calling... but not from the turtle or the NGOs. It was from him... and from that moment on, God has given me the gift of being able to care and love for someone. It really is a gift from Allah because I know I can't just flip a switch and love someone. If I could, it would have happen a long time ago with a friend or colleague or client. The special man in my life, whom I love dearly and I know loves me too, is a loving husband and will be a wonderful father to our baby. It is a wonderful feeling knowing someone somewhere loves you as much as you love him and it really is a great gift from Him... Alhamdulillah.

If you happen to not have someone special in your life yet, it is OK. Enjoy your life and appreciate the gift of being able to see the beautiful creation of this world and try to find your calling. You'll never know where it might lead you but it will definitely be interesting. I have been in both situation and experienced the beauty and greatness, and appreciate both. I am now appreciating the presence of the special man in my life.

He loves the outdoor, LOVES massages, his mom's cooking, Mamak food, veges and fruits, loves sweetened drink more than plain water, cepat merajuk (in his defense he said only because he loves me, he will not bother to merajuk with other people), and many other attributes that is only special to my dear hubby. The beauty of marriage is, your partner is the handsomest and sexiest people on the planet :) When I first met hubby, I thought he is not handsome at all. Now I can't keep my eyes off him. Men with tummy... a real turn off. Hubby's tummy... sexy hehehe... so is every part of him. Maybe this is the secret of Mawaddah wa Rahmah (Al-Ruum: verse 21). To this wonderful husband of mine, just know that I love you so much. I may have to focus on me again depending on this pregnancy hormone, and then when the baby arrives, it will all be about the baby and we may not have that frequent cuddling moments that we used to have... this entry will remind me that having you in my life is a wonderful gift and I appreciate every moment we spend together. TQ abang for being there and I love you so much.

Family scene...

2012-01-19T17:15:00.002+08:00

Me: Baby, tolonglah ummi. Ummi dah tak larat ni...
Hb: Baby kacau ummi, kita kacau baby nak???
Me: @#¿:o:P¡#@ ayah dengan baby ni, buat konspirasi... ummi yang teruk. Adoyai...
Hb: **wink, wink, innocent face**

13 Weeks

2012-01-11T18:10:00.002+08:00

We went for check-up this morning and during the scan, we saw how active baby is. Moving arms and legs... sempat babai ayah and ummi lagi :) In the excitement and the questions I asked, my gynae forgot to printout baby's scan photo and I forgot to ask. I wish I have the photo. Baby is growing well Alhamdulillah and I lose another half kg. Watching baby moves like that makes all the pain and suffering I felt, nausea and vomiting, worth the while. Hubby is also all smiles after the scan... otherwise muka ketat sikit sebab kurang layanan mesra semenjak dua menjak ummi kena layan diri jer - muntah, loya, perut tak selesa, pening, lapar, senak dan apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya hehehe... Have patience OK ayah :)

This morning started out OK. I woke up hungry around 5 a.m., had 2 pieces of biscuit and half cup of horlicks. We look for breakfast around 8 a.m. and the mee hoon looks appetizing. But halfway eating the mee hoon, I felt chills and dizzy and lie down for a while. Then the urge to throw up began but I managed to hold on and took the anti-nausea tablet. That stop the urge to throw up but my tummy feels all knotted up and I continue having the chills every now and then which saw me gripping hubby's thigh or arms in a strong grip. That stopped only after I had my lunch. The first time I managed to finish my lunch since a long time. I felt better afterwards and I hope I'll continue to feel better. Can't wait for the nausea and dizziness spell to end.

The doctor said I could stop taking Duphaston after I finish the previous subscription and should start taking calcium pill. It's a HUGE tablet. Sigh! Anticipating constipation from now on? Double sigh! Anything for baby as long as you grow strong and healthy. Hubby noticed baby's long legs during the scan. Need strong bones for that arms and legs and teeth... I asked if hubby is a good runner. Hubby said depending on who's chasing hehehe... I was tall in school. Everyone said long legs - must be a good runner. I'm not. So as a runner, I hope baby will follow ayah OK :)

Better Day, Better Thoughts

2012-01-07T15:07:00.002+08:00

Today is one of the rare good day for me. At least, for now.

I woke up some time after 2 a.m. last night, managed to fall asleep again and woke up in the morning feeling quite OK. I threw up before breakfast and then I feel quite fine. Alhamdulillah for this rare moments. I'm starting to feel the urge to purge whatever it is in my gut but the few hours of peace gives me some time to think of positive thoughts. Baby is on the way :) However bad I was feeling, some women never have the chance to experience it at all. Isn't that something to think about? I've met many women who shared how they have gone through miscarriages... one, for eight times, some who tirelessly went to specialist after specialist, and others with their own stories of failures and success. Families who longed for children but can't have their own. So Alhamdulillah for this experience. I hope the good day will continue since I have class tomorrow so I'm going to rest now. The nausea is getting stronger.

Dah Tak Jadi

2012-01-06T22:44:00.002+08:00

It didn't work anymore. The acupressure. Overused already? I'm immune? I have no idea. I threw up twice already. Whatever biscuit and snacks I had for tea... then my dinner. Despite having the only dish that could tempt my palate... tomyam. Sigh! Now I'm trying to sleep with an empty stomach. It's hard... eating something may cause another queasy tummy and vomiting. Ohhh... what a choice! God help me...

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New Year 2012

2012-01-06T17:06:00.002+08:00

It's almost a week into the new year. I've also passed 3 months of my pregnancy few days ago. The question of whether I'll get better after my first trimester is now answered. I'm not. Yesterday was just one of the difficult days I have to go through. I woke up feeling hungry and urging hubby to find something to eat. We eat outside... it was a bright morning with blue sky just the way I like it. The moment we reached home, I ran to the sink. After purging everything, I fell asleep for a while and woke up feeling hungry again. Urged hubby to tapau an early lunch. We reached home and I only managed a few bites. I really can't eat anymore. Managed to hold on for a while, took another nap in the afternoon and guess what... woke up feeling hungry again. I tried to eat a few more bites of the rice I tapau but can't. Tried koko krunch, managed to eat a little. Feeling really hungry but incapable of eating anything. After a while, tried eating a slice of bread with Milo. After Maghrib prayer, throw up again. That really makes me drained and no energy. We went out for dinner and I ordered tomyam. I wanted to be careful coz tomyam is quite spicy and I have an empty stomach but it feels nice to be able to eat something. The barley drinks I ordered also felt refreshing. On the way back started feeling queasy again. Hubby suggested I go to sleep to prevent from vomiting. I tried but I can feel the pain in my tummy, trying to purge things out. Then I remembered about acupressure technique to prevent queasiness. I tried it. I've tried them before but never really took notice of whether it works. But this time, I noticed it really did. I feel asleep the moment I felt better and only woke up at 3 a.m. when hubby crawled into bed. He said he couldn't sleep. I told hubby about the acupressure and felt happy I found that it works. Last night hubby was watching TV while I was trying to sleep. I moaned and groaned, toss and turn, called Allah's name, called hubby's name, tried to play games on my phone to distract myself from queasy tummy... all didn't work. Today, whenever I felt queasy, I pressed the acupressure point in between my thumb and index finger. I still feel nausea but at least I didn't throw up. Even the medication to prevent vomiting given by my gynae didn't work all the time so this is great.

My master's class will begin this Sunday. I already informed my classmates I would need all the help I can get to get through this semester. They have been a great help all this while. I don't know whether I can sit for 4 hours in class and focus on the lecture. Anyway, we'll see how that goes. My training next week has been canceled. That's a great relief. Actually, my associate company didn't want to continue associating with this particular company due to some matters not handled well by them. I now have to accept that I'm not well to conduct training programs till God knows when. No training means no income. I have to carefully spend my money till baby is due. I belief Allah has provided 'rezeki' for baby. I also have to find means to generate income other ways. 2012 will probably be challenging year financially but I have to stay positive for baby. Baby is due in July and that will be followed by confinement period and taking care of our new born. I'll probably be up and running October onwards.

I have no resolution this new year. All I want is to be healthy and deliver a healthy baby.

End of 2011

2011-12-31T17:32:00.002+08:00

I didn't really keep track of days and dates these past few days. I only bother about how many weeks pregnant I am. It feels as if the world stop for a while since I experienced heavy nausea and vomiting. I thought yesterday is 31st and wonder why didn't anyone in FB mentioned about new year. Today, I looked at the dates on my handphone. Owhh... it's today. The world didn't stop moving. Everyone goes on with their lives and things happen... unexpected things. My adorable 1++ yo nephew passed away. His funeral was yesterday. Everyone was shocked. Who would have thought a bubbly little boy playing energetically at MIL's place over the weekend would not be around the next day. I played with him a few days ago at SIL's place. Inna lillahi wainna ilaihi rajiuun... I hope SIL will be strong. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her and her family.

As for me, a day means something when I managed to hold some food down. My gynae gives me something to help prevent vomiting. I still throw up but managed to hold most of the food down. On the day I tried to go without the Dimenhydrinate, I throw up mercilessly. Yesterday, I ate some rice and cabbage cooked in coconut milk. A small victory when I didn't throw up. Then, I managed to hold down fish fillet burger. I throw up a bit in the evening but it is not the gut churning kinda throw up. I just didn't dare eat anything after that. Today, I managed to eat something too. I wanted to throw up just now but I lie down for a while to rest. It passed. I hope it will hold till much later. That is success for me these days.

I've been drinking coconut juice whenever I can to prevent from dehydration. I've heard many version of some who say those in first trimester can't drink coconut juice as it might cause miscarriage and another version that says it's good. I go with the latter. Logic tells me I need all the nutrients in the coconut juice just like when I get diarrhea. If people say pineapple is not good, my logic tells me it makes sense since it is acidic. But coconut juice not good... my logic doesn't seem to agree with that. Anyway, I hope everything will be OK for me this time.

Yesterday, I felt pain at my lower abdomen. When pressed, the abdomen felt very hard. Today no lower abdominal pain. I just thought my tummy looks larger. It could just be my feelings. It is going to grow larger anyway. I just thought a pregnant woman who looked pregnant got more sympathies than those who didn't look pregnant yet. I did feel a bit weird going for the seat allocated for pregnant ladies expecting someone to tell me off. Whatever it is, I just can't wait to feel much better, have more energy and have better appetite. So there goes the end of 2011 with ramblings about my pregnancy.

For the new year, I'm hoping for better me... I'm gonna be a mother... and good things for our big family. Hubby's worried there's no new projects now. I'm sure things will get better insyaAllah. Next year, companies would have new budget for new projects whether there's election or not. Rezeki comes from Him. I hope I'd be able to conduct some training to prepare for baby's arrival financially. I still have some pending payment to take us through for few more months. Ohhh.. and my Master's class will begin next weekend. Sigh! Can't wait to see my classmates... can't say the same for the potential workload though. OK... here's signing off for 2011.

Normal.... Not

2011-12-27T22:09:00.001+08:00

This past 2-3 weeks has been really tough. Nausea and vomiting is the order of the day. Morning, noon, evening, night sickness. When I thought those has subsided, it returned with a vengeance. I can't seem to hold down anything that I managed to eat. Eating something is difficult enough... and then throwing it up again and again till there's nothing left... sigh! I can't seem to stomach rice much now. The only thing that I can eat this past few days is Yong Tau Foo Soup. Then, I can't bring myself to eat it anymore. Now, I'm at a lost of what to eat. Milk & yogurt is also out for now. The thing is, whatever I can stomach became the opposite when I throw up after eating them. I can't wait for my appetite to return to normal. I lost weight when I saw my gynae last week. Baby seems OK Alhamdulillah.

I truly didn't expect things to be this bad. And then friends started to share they experience the same thing up to 5-6 months. Really? I do hope I get better after the first trimester. What I do expect though, is a more caring hubby. Asking how I am ever so often, sympathize or pretend to sympathize with my condition, tapau food if I'm too weak to eat out, ask if there's anything I feel like eating despite not much appetite, make sure I eat before I get too hungry and nausea kicks in.... and things like that. What's not in the list are washing dishes and clothes, cooking, hang and fold laundry, clean house... but I truly appreciate when hubby did some of the household chores. I still managed to do the most urgent chores slowly. I have to choose my daily battle carefully.

Tonight I do feel like going out for a while. I've been cooped up at home when hubby's not around. I thought maybe I could try McD's small chicken porridge or KFC's whipped potato for dinner. But, I have to settle with some biscuits as dinner. Hope things get better tomorrow.

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8 Weeks

2011-12-08T16:23:00.001+08:00

This is baby's latest photo, at 8 weeks. Alhamdulillah baby is still fine and doing well despite some bleeding last time. No more bleeding and I hope it stayed that way till delivery. I still have no appetite most of the time. On rare occasion, like last night, I felt like having kabsah lamb. So hubby took me at 'the' place for kabsah lamb which I enjoyed thoroughly.

However, upon reaching home I felt the now common nausea. I thought we're not suppose to feel nauseous when I'm full. I thought wrong. After awhile, it subsided allowing me to sleep. But not for long. At around 2 am, I woke up with a heartburn. Warm soy bean milk, warm water, some ointment, nothing works. I think I finally fell asleep after 4 am. I'm still feeling the heartburn now and it's late afternoon already. I also throw up badly just now. Sigh!!! I wonder how long will I have to go through this. Hopefully just the first trimester. I have training scheduled mid January.

Whatever it is, as long as baby is OK, everything is bearable. Take care little one. Be strong for ummi :)

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About Failure

2011-12-02T19:04:00.002+08:00

What did I say about failure? It is difficult to remain positive after several failures. Thomas Edison can blow up 1001 bulb, Colonel Sanders can knock on 1000 doors, the Wright brothers can try so many times till they succeeded on building a plane that could fly... but it is not the same with getting pregnant. I got my second injection a few days ago. There is still some bleeding. Yesterday, quite a lot compared to all the others days before. Today, not so bad but there's a small blood clot. I've been sniffling and sneezing whole day today too so my mood is not so good. Hubby is not good at playing nurse. What is the status of the baby? Unknown. I'm in ACCEPTANCE mode. Whatever will be, will be. Probably with a little detachment, it won't be so painful and difficult in case of any untoward incidents.

The Eating Part

2011-11-26T19:28:00.001+08:00

*tutup mulut*

*geleng kepala*

Tolong.... tak nak... tak nak...

I really have no appetite. Thinking of eating really makes me feel... no... please no.... Once I ate, I'd be OK. In fact, I sometimes continue feeling hungry after a meal. But to begin eating is the problem. It's like how difficult it is to start working out but once you do, it's OK.

I have no cravings for anything in particular but there are also times when everything shown in the cook show looks so appetizing. Even the food ad... Could be because those are out of reach.

Sigh! Thank God I can still stomach biscuit and bread even though I really have to force myself eat them for my health.

Thank God I'm not vomiting. Just nauseous and dizzy every now and then.

Bleep... bleep... bleep...

2011-11-24T20:13:00.001+08:00

Bleep... bleep... bleep... I can't describe my feelings the moment I see the tiny heartbeat blinking on the screen. I know it's still very early. But we've succeeded the first stage i.e. seeing the heartbeat :) Please pray for us ok. It really has been difficult to determine the size and no. of weeks previously but now it's confirmed I'm at around 6 weeks.

You know, all those talk about positive thinking and law of attractions got me thinking. It's good to be positive and optimistic rather than the opposite. But, if you've met with several failures, it's hard to be positive. True, after so many failures could mean you're one step closer to success but you can't help but think this could be another failure. I've faced it in so many situations. Alhamdulillah despite not being very optimistic, I do have those moments of succees :)

I'm not gloating or anything about my state. After several failures, I'll not dare say anything till I've hold the little bundle of joy in my arms. For now, I'll take it one day at a time. I can still see the bleeping heart in my mind :) Keep beating little heart.

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Steady Supply of Vege

2011-11-19T17:19:00.001+08:00

This gives us a steady supply of lady's fingers. I got bored cooped up inside earlier so I walked outside for a while, inspecting our farmville and harvesting the crop :) The photo is taken via my HTC in the afternoon sun. Couldn't get a sharp image and didn't adjust the white balance. Too hot to adjust the settings so just take it as it is. Soon we'll have more types of vegies like the long beans, angled beans & eggplants. It's nice being able to pluck something from the tree and cook them.

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The Fourth

2011-11-19T13:35:00.002+08:00

I thought I'm not gonna write about the fourth till I'm sure everything is OK. But, since I'm trying to keep it to myself, hubby and the closest of family as much as I can, and those on a need to know basis only, I really need to write this down. There's no one else I can talk to about my fears and worry. Hubby has been seeing me with a worried face for a few days. We have been in this together. I can't worry him more than he already is.

First, the confirmation. I began to worry already. Hubby's not around for me to share the news. In the past I've broken the news when he wasn't around, I'd like to see his reaction. I'm happy to see he's happy but I'm also worried nevertheless. I don't have a good track record.

Second, the checkup. The doctor can't really confirm the exact no. of weeks but she was sure it's still very early. She prescribed Duphaston and Caspirin but since I'm allergic to aspirin, Caspirin was striked out. Only after a few days, I was spotting. Brown spots. Yesterday, red. I was tired. Really tired. It's Friday afternoon. The traffic was heavy. Hubby's not around. It took me an hour to reach the hospital. I wasn't really scheduled so I have to wait for about half an hour. It feels very long with the dizziness I was feeling and all the uncomfortable feeling physically as well as emotionally. This time, the doctor confirmed the size is 0.97mm, less than 1mm which means around 4 weeks. She gave me injections for the bleeding. Supposed to be able to stop the bleeding in 5 days and I need to get another 1 if bleeding continues.

The doctor advice me not to work if its possible. I have a meeting and training next week. I called my associate company, explained the situation and thank God they said they'll make the necessary arrangements. I'm in a very volatile situation. It wouldn't be fair if something happen at the last minute and inconvenience so many people. Might as well pull out now which gives me the time to rest as well.

Hubby wondered how I'm going to fare since there is already so many complications at the early stage. Truthfully, I don't know. I don't know what to expect, I don't know what to hope for. We have planned for two holiday trips soon. I don't know whether I'll be able to make it. What will happen if I do go and there's problem? Living in this uncertainty doesn't sit well with me. But there is nothing much I can do isn't it. Just go through it one day at a time, hoping for the best and preparing for any eventualities. I should be a pro at facing those eventualities by now.

The Perils of a Smartphone

2011-11-18T22:23:00.001+08:00

Before there is smartphone, I happily carry my Cokia phone everywhere I go with a knowledge it will last me for a few days before I need to charge the battery.

Before there is smartphone, if I forget my charger, I can be assured someone will have the same kind of charger that I can borrow.

Before there is smartphone, I believe I have everything I need in a phone.

With smartphone, I worry about where I can charge the phone as I expect the phone battery to last less than a day.

With smartphone, people uses many diverse brands (iPhone, BB, Samsung, other mobile phones) that I may not be able to find someone who has a compatible charger that easily.

With smartphone, I need a powerbank to ensure I can remain connected on the go.

With smartphone, I must remember to carry the charger all the time, and the powerbank, and the powerbank charger.

With smartphone, I must ensure I have internet connection otherwise the phone is smart for nothing.

With smartphone, I now have to carry many things all the time to support the connectivity of the smartphone.

And lastly,

With smartphone, I can blog straight from the phone.

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The Art of Enjoying Your Holiday Travel

2011-11-13T14:04:00.005+08:00

It's a very quiet Sunday. The sun was shining brightly this morning though it has turned to cloudy now. There is not much noise except for the whir of the fan and the typing on the keyboard right now. I'm in the midst of completing my assignment, but I'd like to take a short break blogging :) It has been a while since I wrote about general matters. Most of the time the entries I wrote were about my trips, family events and how stress I was with the assignments. Well, I think this entry is timely since the end of the year and school break is just around the corner where everyone will start thinking of planning for their holidays.

How easy or difficult is it to enjoy your holiday? I believe it is all about choices and we really, truly HAVE a choice. You have saved your annual leaves to go for a well deserved holiday (maybe even threat your boss to get the approval), you have saved up some money to spend for the holiday, you have your friends or family members joining you for a memorable holiday, do you want to end up NOT enjoying it? I believe not. You want an enjoyable holiday and you want to return inspired, have more zest and vigor to continue with your life, maybe even rekindle the romance with your spouse (like going on a second, third, or fourth, honeymoon). How then do you ensure you'll enjoy your travel and holiday? As I've mentioned earlier, you make a CHOICE and STICK with it.

- If the transportation is late, take it in stride. Cussing and swearing will not make your cab or plane come any earlier.

- If the room is lousy, calmly get the hotel to give you a better room. If that fails, get another hotel or the last resort, make do with what you have. At least you have some place to sleep. Write a true review of the accommodation to other travelers like in the Trip Advisor to let go of that unsatisfactory feeling. Then be done with it and enjoy your holiday.

- Have some bread, biscuit or chocolate to satisfy the hungry pang temporarily while waiting for your meal. Some food joints do take their own sweet time of preparing your food. Or maybe they are just not used to the big crowd at their place during holidays.

- If you are met with inconsiderate people anywhere during your travel, brush it off as one of your life's experience. Distant yourself from them, politely say you want to enjoy the sunset view for a while, smile and leave, change the subject, negotiate and be fair, etc. Do something about it, don't suffer in silence. Not good for your heart and not good for the holiday

- If you have kids and they are acting up, stay calm. Shouting over their voices will not accomplish anything. Make sure they are not coming down with something and the younger ones have taken their nap or are comfortable enough. Have some snacks or toys handy, or buy something to distract them, then stay calm and pray they'll keep quiet. I have seen how some parents have mastered the art of going away to somewhere calm and peaceful while their kids are crying or shouting at the top of their lungs. The people around them might feel uncomfortable with the kid's noise but the parents look oblivious and very serene in their own world. Go there. Master that art. You're going to need it. If it is not your kid who are acting up, and you don't even have your own, master that art too. If you have kids, maybe the same thing will happen too. So forgive the parents and put on that earphone.

- Take care of what you eat and have some charcoal tablets or antacid ready. You won't be enjoying your holiday on an upset tummy. Make sure you have plenty of drinking water too. We don't want you getting dehydrated.

- Take care of your important documents like passport, and wallet. You certainly won't enjoy your holiday if these goes missing. Also take care of your camera and mobile phones.

In short, think of all the investment you've made for the holiday and make a choice.

- Enjoy your surrounding.
- Watch people, culture and nature.
- Take a deep breathe and do some breathing exercise.
- Bring a book or magazine to read.
- Play that game on your smartphone or tablet but not too engrossed with it that you might as well not go for the holiday.
- Take photographs... the cheapest souvenir of any travel.
- Talk to people, you'll never know what you might learn from them. But, be vigilant and be careful.
- Be thankful.

So, have a wonderful time planning for your holiday and good luck in making sure you enjoy it. Choose to be nice and choose to be happy :) Don't be grumpy and spoil the fun with your family or friends. Hakuna matata...

New Grass

2011-11-12T20:32:00.003+08:00

We finally put in the Philippine grass. We were undecided at the beginning because we're still slowly putting in plants for our garden. But, the grass really grows fast. Hubby has to mow the lawn every other week, carting the machine here and MLK house and MIL's place. He brought the smaller Bosch machine here but it broke down after using it like twice. So last Wed the Bangla or Pakistani worker who were involved in our house renovation came to see him and take measurements of our lawn. Started work the next day and completed it yesterday.

Before

After

It looks very green and clean, I feel like rolling on the carpet :) I have high respect for the Bangladeshi or Pakistani workers. Now, they work on their own. They went for Friday prayer yesterday. They can't last time when working for Chinese contractors. They work and learn and find better opportunities. How many of us dare to do that? I've heard many complaints from workers when I conducted my trainings, who are not satisfied with their job and yet they have been there for ages. If you dare to change, good for you.

Having said that, now I'm looking at my old Impiana Laman magazines to get some ideas. We're slowly and steadily on our way for a beautiful garden :)

The November Story

2011-11-11T23:11:00.001+08:00

11.11.11 :)

Everybody has been busy doing something to mark this special date. I received an email early this morning from my lecturer asking for our assignments. Uhuh... the good news, I'm not the only one who submitted late. The bad news, he gave final deadline at 3 pm today. Still that has not managed to spur me into action ASAP. There were so many distractions today. I could be more disciplined though. I managed to submit the assignment at 3:11pm. My lecturer has acknowledge receipt while I'm writing this. Now the immediate pressure's off, I'd like to blog about some important events this month.

06.11.11

One of my classmates went to perform her Hajj this year. I envy her. I hope the time for me will arrive soon. Aidil Adha here is far more quiet than Aidil Fitri. This year is quite different though since we performed 'Korban' at MIL's place. Family gathering is most often not relaxing with all the cooking and washing and kids running... but they were fun nonetheless. Especially spending the time with family members and the eating part :)

05.11.11

We begin the morning hunting for breakfast. The normal breakfast place was not open. Duh! It's the day before Aidil Adha.... most people would be on their way back to hometown or preparing for the big day. Lucky for us, we found a decent place for many hungry tummies. Then the boys went for a swim. Sis and I watched them play. We went to MIL's place next and spend the days catching up with family members.

04.11.11

We woke up early to start our journey to KTN. Hubby has to send his tender documents. We went out slightly before 6:30 a.m to beat the morning traffic. The timing was just nice. We had about an hour before submission deadline giving us enough time to make a copy and sealing the documents in envelopes. Then we make our way to MLK, continuing the drive for another 3 hours or so. It was so tiring. We stopped for lunch along the way but hubby's hungry by the time we reached MLK's place. I could eat something too. We went out again to buy late birthday present for hubby and have dinner together. I fell asleep almost immediately after my head touches the pillow despite the sneezes. I woke up later, about 1 a.m to continue sneezing till about 4 a.m. before I managed to fall asleep again. Sigh!

03.11.11

We went out quite early looking for a place to have breakfast before exploring Cameron Highland. Thank God the one and only Muslim nearby stall opens when I thought we have to go to Brinchang town just to look for breakfast. After that we headed to Gunung Brinchang, following the road signs till we saw the road closure info. Duh! They should have put it at the beginning of the route. Nonetheless, the view of hills and valleys of Palas Boh Tea plantantion were amazing. I can't stop staring. Simply a beautiful sight. Kinda make you wanna sing The Sound of Music in between the tea trees :)

We then continued shopping for few more things before heading home. Hubby's tender deadline submission looming. We bought some corn, some sweet potatoes, strawberry jam, and hubby has his sight on a grape tree. After haggling, we bought one. We returned to our room, packed, can't wait to leave the hotel. We stopped to buy petai along the way, quick stop for honey at Ringlet and fresh bamboo shoots from the orang asli hut. I have never cook, taste, even see fresh bamboo shoots in the market before. Will get dear MIL to help cook the bamboo shoots.

On the way down, there's a lorry in front of us dangerously tilting to the right every time there's a sharp turn. At one point, the left back tire was almost lifted off the ground. The driver ushered us to overtake him when the road is clear but hubby's not doing so worrying at the lorry's cargo whatever those were under the covers. The driver finally stopped when there is enough space by the roadside for him to do so. Hubby sped off. Then it started raining and it gets really heavy when we almost reached Tapah. I will almost definitely get motion sickness on route like that. For some reason, I didn't this time. Must be due to my stuffed nose and sneezes, jamming the ear balance somewhat. Whatever that is, I'm very grateful.

We stopped for lunch and more fruits at the Tapah R&R. Then continue our journey, reaching home sweet home at almost 3 p.m. Poor hubby has to continue with his tender documents till about 1 a.m. before going to sleep and waking up at 4 a.m. to complete it.

02.11.11

I started packing and cleaning the kitchen before beginning our journey. We planned this trip weeks ago to celebrate the end of my hectic schedule and hubby's birthday. Hubby wasn't busy earlier but later he has tender submission to rush for but adamant to continue with the trip anyway. We still has not decided to go via the Simpang Pulai route or Tapah. At Ladang Bikam, I took the wheel and thank God for that as I've been going below 120 and there's a police road block near Tapah. Earlier hubby often reached 140km/hr. Since I was on the wheel, I decided to try Tapah route. I can control my motion sickness when I'm the driver. We reached the hotel at about lunch time and were told they'd be ready in another hour so we decided to go out for lunch. We couldn't find a decent stall nearby that we have to settle for burgers.

When we opened the room door, this is Equatorial? Really? Berjaya... really??? Renovation work still going on outside. The next room is undergoing furbishing with the drilling and what not. Our room is the unfurbished one, with cold room floors and unappetizing looking toilet and hard as plank bed. Seriously, the hardest bed I've been on. Floors are hard. But this is hotel bed mind you. Hubby said maybe the hard bed can help him prepare his tender documents better. After a short rest and charging hubby's handphone, we went out for a walk. I bought t-shirts and souvenirs and strawberries and ogle at all the goodies planning on what to purchase tomorrow :) Ohh... and I bought bedroom slippers as I really can't walk on that cold floors. After the working hours we heard the renovation workers radio playing some dangdut song and strumming of guitars till very late. They must have stayed at one of the rooms.

We had a great steamboat dinner that night. My treat for hubby's birthday eve. Hubby's sulking though... because jealousy rears its ugly head. Sigh! Later he said something that really makes me smile. "I love 100% of you". Sniffles and sneezes included? I asked. He said he has accepted that a long time ago :) Love you too dear hubby. That's one of the sweetest thing you can ever say to me.

01.11.11

Yesterday, we went to KTN and back. Today, we went to Pandan Indah, Taman Melati, my school and Kelana Jaya before heading home. Phewww... I received the payment today. By about 10 am, I paid all the debts and still owe myself some. Sigh! Anyway, alhamdulillah for the rezeki which I would be worse off without.

Business Registration Renewal

2011-10-28T10:16:00.005+08:00

Phewww.... I spent hours making sense of SSM and www.gov.my website. All I'm trying to do was renew my business registration online. I thought it expires yesterday. After like 2 hours and purchasing my own business info, I discovered that my business registration will only expire next year. Sigh! That's what you got when your filing system's in a mess!!!

However, I'm relieved I didn't have to go to the SSM office to find out my business registration only expires next year. Thank God! Just imagine braving through the traffic to KL Sentral, pay exorbitant parking fee only to discover I was making a wasteful trip. I'm glad I don't have to go through that. I don't even mind paying $5 for SSM Subscriber Registration fee and $30 as prepaid for the SSM Search. Still worth it than the wasteful trip and $35 price of a lesson to get my filing done properly.

I moved house months ago and it has been hectic and unpacking some of the documents are going at a slower rate than the snail speed. I finally have some time to breathe today. I planned to have a well deserved rest, go for my long postponed massage session some time this weekend... till I'll be scrambling to complete my assignments again. Soon... coz the assignments deadline just around the corner, but not this weekend :D

Oh and my library books has to be returned too. Has maxed the capacity for online renewal. Sigh! I think I'll just wait for a few days and pay few RM (less than $5) for a restful weekend and peace of mind. Don't want to think of any commitment this weekend. Lots and lots and lots of rest and cleaning house and watching TV and rest again :)

Sweet Nothings :)

2011-10-12T20:26:00.001+08:00

It has been a while since I have to go outstation for my training. Most of my training this year have been in KL area except twice in the beginning of the year. Hubby and I can't handle long distance relationship that well. I used to prefer outstation training because most of the time the training will be conducted in the same hotel which means I don't have to go through the morning traffic. Nowadays, I prefer local training... don't mind the morning traffic. I'll be missing hubby too much and nobody is paying for the travelling days :) When you're working for yourself, you'll start to be more calculative of your cash in and out.

Anyway, as I was about to board the plane earlier today, I was all smiles chatting with hubby on YM. This entry is an episode in my life that I want to document and remember. Some of our sweet moments :) Many sweet moments has been undocumented due to the time limitation. Here I am all alone in my hotel room trying to complete some work for other training and preparing for tomorrow but... a few minutes blogging won't hurt.

Me: Dah nak boarding
Me: Luv u abg
Hb: luv u 2.
Hb: already miss u
Me: Dah nak naik ni
Me: I miss u more :)
Hb: Ok... take care.
Hb: I miss u most.
Hb: :)
Me: I miss u mostest hahaha...
Hb: ade ke
Me: Hehehe...
Me: Bye
Hb: bye syg

Can't wait to return home....

Cooking Goddess

2011-10-06T20:53:00.002+08:00

Hubby missed my asam pedas today :)

There is nothing more satisfying than when people eat the food I cook. The bonus is when you're complimented on the food. I'm not a fussy eater. I'm not a great cook either. What do you expect? I have been cooking only for myself when I was single and for two after I got married. Due to practical reasons, eating out sometimes makes more sense. I CAN cook and the food is edible MOST of the time. I dare called people for kenduri and cook on a big scale too. At our open house recently, some of my guest asked what's my specialty. I told them no specialty since I only cook on a big scale once or twice a year. How can it be my specialty if I don't practice enough?

Since we moved house, I've cook more often as the market is nearby and there doesn't seem to be many eateries that suits our tastebuds. I'm determined to keep cooking till I can call some of the dishes my specialty. I've had my good days and not so good days. Let's see what's the casualties on my not so good days...

- burnt chocolate cake... hey, the oven was new.
- burnt bun... the bottom part was edible... and I left the oven according to the recipe instruction to perform my prayer. Sigh!
- salty dishes... i have my 'saltless' moments and 'saltfull' moments. Sigh! The former situation is much better than the latter.
- undercooked chicken or fish... thank God for microwave ovens
- experimental recipes... hubby can be non-adventurous when it comes to 'creative' dishes
- kole kacang... it didn't set due to lack of flour. Not just any flour... so I keep it in the fridge and I still has not bought the flour.
- hmmm.... I'm sure there's a few more that I can't recall

I'm not listing down the dishes that turned out well. Trust me, it's enough to make me keep cooking and not throw down the apron yet. Some issue that really matters to me when it comes to cooking ...

- when rice turned out well and not 'mentah' during important occasions... no matter how good your dishes are, it will come to nought with spoiled rice. This is one of those things that people take for granted. Nobody would notice when the rice are fine but they certainly would when it didn't turn out well.
- meals prepared means we don't have to eat out and pay for food that did't meet our expectation.
- when food is budgeted with not much waste.
- creativity and flexibility in the kitchen, and
- either compliments from hubby or he took extra servings.

I'm still not the cooking goddess I want to be... but I'm working towards that. I'm praying for more successful dishes and the determination to keep on cooking. Gungho!

Missed Blogging

2011-10-05T10:31:00.002+08:00

MODE ON: Doing my master's class homework.
REALITY: Construction noise from next door. Arrgghhh... the drilling really gets on my nerve.
SOLUTION: De-stress with blogging :)

I missed blogging tremendously. Few nights ago I couldn't sleep since I've taken a long nap in the afternoon. So I read some of my old entries. I blogged more when I was single. Of course I have less responsibilities then, and now I lived more offline than online. Events passes by without much time to blog about it despite the blogging app on my Android. I read about me complaining about the never ending work. Now, I'm still whinning about it mostly due to my master's class. Sigh! Can't wait to finish my course. And yet, I still have not find a topic for my thesis and also a supervisor. Of course, worse comes to worst, I have a lecturer who has offered to be my supervisor provided my topic is similar to his thesis paper. Hmmm... I've tried doing a proposal in one of the assignment he gave us, I almost vomit blood. So not my forte.

Anyway, I didn't intend to whine about my class. I just felt rejuvenated and refreshed after reading some of my earlier entries. It reminds me of what I'm passionate about and what are my dreams. I'm just postponing those dreams for a while till I finished my thesis. I also read about events I have totally forgotten about and people I supposedly have issues with that I don't even remember now. Try as I might thinking whom I was referring to since I don't give real names.... just description, I can't. Shows how some things won't matter after few weeks or few years. It's good to have those events written down anyway since it'll give some lessons to me many years after it has passed. I'll forget many events after I got married due to my sparse blogging sessions. But I'll take comfort in the fact that I experienced those moments and will always be creating new ones :)

The drilling sound still bothers me but I just have to continue doing my assignment. I have a briefing session for the next two days so I'll be tied up with that. Just be GUNGHO about it and block out the noise (wishing I can)...

The Dreaded Week

2011-08-19T08:50:00.002+08:00

I can officially say the dreaded event this week is over. True to what's been said... it doesn't matter anymore now and will be forgotten in time. Whatever brouhaha I was feeling, it's gone. All that matter is the love from my loved ones.... my dear hubby, my dear sis, my lovely boys and family members.

Why oh why does the issue seemed to loom large before? When I was going through it, everything in my mind seemed logical, whatever was said or done seemed logical. Now, I realize how stupid it was... how stupid I was. My only excuse is probably I need to go through the process to see the real picture. But in the process, I have hurt the people around me. It is easy to apologize... which I truly sincerely do because I realize I was wrong. I believe its not as easy to heal the wound. The only good thing coming out from this event is I love them even more for putting up with my emotional outburst.

I love you all... please accept my sincerest apologies.

What's great about today?

2011-08-17T19:15:00.001+08:00

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.

We spend wonderful relaxing night last night... at least for me. Don't know what hubby was thinking going from rack to rack looking for baju raya :) We spend wonderful day the first half of today too. What's important is we have those time and spend it together. No one can take that away from us. The precious time spent together... I would only hope for times like what we had when I'm busy. So the times spent together would beat any unimportant events. No bouquet of flower or gifts can beat that. Alhamdulillah...

Tonight is relaxing night for me again and I'm going to appreciate it.

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Outcast II

2011-08-17T16:56:00.001+08:00

I hope today will end differently. Who am I kidding? I'll just pretend the second half of today never happen. God give me strength. You ARE the bigger picture of my existence.

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Outcast

2011-08-15T08:13:00.001+08:00

It hurts when you are deemed an outcast because of who or what you represent instead of who you really are. Normally I couldn't be bothered about others opinion. This time it really hurts because hubby has to concede to those opinion. This will be a difficult week for me. Everytime I remembers about it, I have to take a deeeeeppp.... breath.

I hope I'll be given the strength to pass this test. Like everything that has happened to me, only Allah knows the wisdom behind every fate and destiny. Only He knows why I have to go through this. Those people, even hubby, are only fulfilling His will of giving me this lesson in life.

Do not cry coz my head will hurt later. Do not be sad because those people will be enjoying themselves and do not bother about my feelings anyway. Easier said then done but I have to for my sake. I have to keep reminding myself of the bigger picture of life instead of this tiny scar that might be forgotten few years down the road.

Hopefully this week will pass quickly. Hopefully I'll be fine. Hope is the only thing I have. Laa tahzan...

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Bright Morning

2011-08-13T10:57:00.002+08:00

It's a bright Saturday morning. It has been like this for a few days. Come afternoon, it started to get cloudy and yesterday it rained heavily. The air feels cleaner today. I'm breathing deeply and feeling thankful for the nice fresh air. Love it...

I'm actually in a good mood since my classmate called yesterday. She's dropping a subject. Another classmate SMSed and she's doing the same. Yeah... I'm glad I have an option. Means I can drop the subject too and take it next semester with them. I thought I'd be worse off this sem with the commitment required on the subject as well as my trainings. We have a lecturer who has just completed his PhD and so excited to teach a class he forgot we are part time students and can't give the commitment required for all the coursework. Can you imagine a coursework that gives you 4 marks and we have 4 of those. We also have 2 big assignments of 20 pages each, worth 20 marks each and a final exam of 40%. He also expected drafts twice for each big assignments. Another 4% is for a presentation. Sigh! I hyperventilated in class last weekend as he was explaining about our coursework.

I had a meeting last Friday with my training associate company. We're expecting a project that would take us to East Malaysia and it would be a series of 5-days training. I can't imagine 5 days away from home, returning to slave for my Master's class. Now, I can breathe a bit. If the department let us drop the subject, it means we'll have afternoon class after this. Whatever it is, we'll find out tomorrow. For now, I have to make some preparation for tomorrow's class while enjoying the bright sunshine. Oh... I need to prepare something for the training too. We have a bunch of trainers for this so I'm only helping out with some of the assessment questions. Have a great weekend everyone:)

Belated Birthday Note

2011-08-12T21:09:00.002+08:00

I've been busy with trainings and deadlines but I make sure I don't have any on my birthday. The plan is to have a memorable day and that certainly happened, and then some.

The night before my birthday, we went out for dinner and a movie. The first movie since we moved house. The movie of choice was 'Monte Carlo'. We purposely not choose Harry Porter or Transformers. I wanted to have something light and entertaining. It certainly didn't disappoint though I have to censor some scene by closing hubby's eyes a few times ;) That was a relaxing outing except for the glitches with GSC online system and that's another story.

And then we reached home, hubby totally forgot the match between Chelsea and Malaysia was that night. We reached home, hubby switched on our trusted TV set and pooff... nothing. Hubby's TV set stopped working few months before we moved house. Instead of buying new one, we took my tv set out from our guest bedroom to the living room. We don't want to deal with the hassle of transporting fragile TV when moving. Many things either broke or stopped working when we unpacked. The TV set from our guest bedroom was from the time before I got married. It finally reached the last of its service duration the night before my birthday.

So, the mission on my birthday is to find a new TV. It has overshadowed looking for my birthday gift. Something that I don't want to hear on my birthday made me shout in the jewellery shop... on the phone. The stupid lawyer's office has delayed yet again the final part of the S&P deal. Stupid lawyers!!! That got me feeling uptight for a few days and that's another story again.

After going to few shops, returned home for lunch and Friday prayers, we went to make the purchase. So we got a TV on my birthday. After that I got busy for my final exam and another 5 days training. We went out for dinner and I need to buy something for final training day when we found my birthday gift. Hubby's in a hurry for another football match. This time he do not want to missed it. I bought a watch for myself after my final exam and I also got myself a new purse. Both in real need of replacement which I have been postponing of getting till my birthday.

So that were some of the events that took place during my birthday. Rushed and tried to make the best of the time we had. I really appreciate our date night and the moments hubby spent picking out my birthday gift. TQ abang.

Life's Little Pleasures...

2011-08-12T20:16:00.002+08:00

What gives you a great pleasure after a tiring day? I decided to list down in no particular order, most of them and be thankful with life's little pleasures.

1. a hot shower and splash of talcum powder at the end of the day
2. hot tea
3. foot massage on my osim
4. foot massage by hubby
5. cuddling in front of tv
6. sitting out at night with hubby, listening to the sound of the night
7. the moment we have some meals ready... don't have to think about eating out or what to eat...
8. lying in bed
9. sleeping
10. the knowledge that tomorrow will be spent at home, without any pressing deadlines...

Today, I have 1, 2, 3, 7, 10 and soon... 8 and 9. That's a lot of pleasure :)

Penat Belajar

2011-07-10T18:31:00.003+08:00

Penatnyer rasa bila tak habis2 belajar. Lepas satu-satu assignment, presentation, final exam then kelas semula and the cycle starts all over again. Cuti-cuti macam ni ni pun tak dapat nak jalan-jalan, shopping, kemas rumah. Arrgghhhh...... Hubby said he's not as busy like me when he did his Masters. MIL also said he's not as busy studying. Orang lain macamana yer? I'm at the verge of screaming or vomitting blood at the moment. My classmate has kids and her husband is suggesting she quit because she looked so stress. She didn't need the added stress on top of work and family. I don't have kids and even I feel like quitting.

Sigh! I need to take a break. It has to be a very, very short break because due date for our research proposal is tomorrow.

Documenting Life

2011-07-08T15:41:00.001+08:00

I can't remember the exact date we decided to move house but it was definitely short notice.

22 June : Slept at 4 a.m. packing.

23 June : move house with two 3-tonne lorries & another lorry to MLK. Slept at 2 a.m. Dear hubby pengsan by midnight on both days.

24 June : unpacking what's necessary. MIL, FIL & beloved family arrived to give a helping hand. Appreciate it v.much. Don't think can handle without MIL's & dear sis helping out.

25 June : Kenduri. Family only.

26 June : It so happened I don't have class today but supposed to send assignment. Only manage to send next day.

30 June : 2-days training.

2 July : Alumni dinner. Supposed to prepare for tomorrow's presentation in class.

3 July : Go to clinic on the way to class. Asthma worsen. Ran out of inhaler. Instructed to take Budesonide and Ventolin.

Class. Presentation. Thank God received 18/20 and 18.5/20 marks for the presentation.

4 July : 4.5 days training. I wasn't feeling very well since we moved house. I need 4-5 doses of ventolin every day. I'm also coughing. I have the medicine but can't take it during the day as it will cause dizziness. A friend gave me Seretide. Felt better after use. Not required to use Ventolin every few hours & not wheezing anymore.

After training today, rushed to library to return books. Last time something wrong with their system, I can't renew online. Now the fine I have to pay is around $30. Brought my books on trolley, system down. Arrgghhh.... use book chute. Will have to go to library again next week.

Terminate phone line & streamyx. No time to do before.

Now, I'm having a short rest before start working on research proposal to be submitted on Monday, course outline for new training by Tuesday & training material for end of month 4.5 days training by next week..

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Busy Again

2011-06-16T10:40:00.003+08:00

I returned from holiday to a pack schedule. Our house is at its final renovation stage. The electrician needs info, the cabinet and wardrobe man needs info, the final touch up has to be monitored... all that requires time. The ever elusive element in our life at the moment. On top of that, the uncompleted research proposal is forever taunting me. Last night I fell asleep on the sofa... so tired.

Today I plan to have a quiet time at home completing my assignment. Before I get down to business, I mopped the floor and did some laundry. I can't work in a messy house. Its not perfect now but so much better than before cleaning. And one final thing to do before focusing on assignment, upload some pics from our holiday :) I wish I'm still there swimming with the fishes.

A school of fish forming a long wall under Salang jetty.
Hundreds of fishes.
With our dive master.
Underwater magnificient view.
Sunset.

Wonderful Relaxing Day

2011-06-08T18:45:00.001+08:00

Except for extra long ferry journey early this morning, the rest has been a nice, relaxing day :) Hope for more action & adventure tomorrow.

Dear lung, please be kind to me. No wheezing and heavy chest feeling like these past few days ok.

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On The Mirror

2011-06-04T09:51:00.002+08:00

Dearest hubby did this quite some time ago. Imagine how I feel once I reached home and saw this taped to the mirror on our dressing table. Huge, huge, huge grin :D Such a sweet gesture and is worth all the flowers in the world...

Hubby and I don't have love letters. We YMed. Hubby is not the guy who buy cards with sweet wordings. We hugged and cuddled and talked. Hubby is not the guy who'll write poems or poetry though he said he has the talent a long time ago. Thus the reason why I really appreciate his thoughtful sweet gestures such as this one :) TQ abang for the sweet memory.

Just Take A Deep Breath...

2011-06-03T21:39:00.003+08:00

"just take a deep breath and everything will fall into the right place"

TQ kak for these comforting words that I really need this semester. Things have been hectic... Yeah right! What else is new.... And why on earth am I blogging if things are too hectic? I seriously just need a break after a 2-days 2-nights training session. This morning I'm in a very relaxed mood choosing paint colours for my house and buying few things from the hardware store. If I started thinking about all the things I have to do, I might unnecessarily stressed myself out.

I've just received 39 articles that might help with my research proposal. TQ to my dear classmate who has been very helpful. On top of the articles, I have 10 handbooks and textbooks as reference too. I have to complete my research proposal this weekend if I want to enjoy my holiday next week, I'll be away from Tue-Sat. Why holiday now? I'm in a "Just Do It!" mode or else I'll never ever get to go away for a holiday. It has been planned for quite some time already, before the madness begins.

And to ease the stress, my lecturer email everyone and asked are we stressed out and offered alternatives to lessen our load. TQ so much for the consideration Dr. I found out one of my classmate is considering to withdraw this semester. That triggered the email which is a blessing to everyone.

These little gestures keep my spirit up in an otherwise chaotic and stressful situation.

I'm reminded to one remark made by a lady who received her graduation scroll in the news some time back. I can't remember whether that is for her Masters of Doctorate degree. She said something like this is for her and her effort, not for her unsupportive husband and children. I was taken aback with such remark being made publicly. But now I kinda understand her situation. The degree must be her dream... and I can't imagine how she must have felt when she gets demand for family's attention while also being busy with her studies. It must be frustrating especially if you read or heard others who gave appreciation to family members in support of their studies. It must be very sad for her but she has made it with a scroll in her hands.

Some might say what's the price of a scroll as compared to the love of your family. Sometimes we have to think for ourselves. Children will leave us one day and have their own family. In some cases, there are children who left their parents altogether, without any visit or a single news. Husband can also leave you. So why not pursue her dream?

I've said this many times and I'll say it again. It is easy to say we'll be supportive of our loved one's dreams, but the effort it take is tremendous. When you wake up in the morning and decided to be in a bad mood; when you demand something that will take up time; when you cause unnecessary worry... do you really mean you're supportive of your loved one's dreams?

Of course, your loved ones would want you to see things from their perspectives as well. No free time for holiday, no elaborate home cook meal, no cuddling and TLC all the time, no bonding time, etc. So whose perspective is right? Who should concede to whom? That depends on who is willing to make the sacrifice. That's why success is sweeter after all the sacrifice.

Lost and Overwhelmed

2011-05-29T16:57:00.002+08:00

I've been having this headache since Friday and it worries me. Last two weeks I have flu out of the blue and I noticed it finally stopped on Friday. No more blowing and stuffed nose. But then I noticed the headache and the painful sinus bones. It subsides a little sometimes but at times it came back with a vengence, like now. While battling my headache, I have to submit my assignment. Thank God only have to submit draft because I'm feeling totally lost and overwhelmed with the subject. I just submitted an incomplete copy. However, time is not on my side. I have training this week and another draft submission. Then away on holiday and final assignment submission. I have to complete them no matter what and this subject is killing me.

29/5 - Essay draft submission
1-2/6 - Training
05/6 - Research proposal draft submission
8-11/6 - Holiday
12/6 - Essay submission
14-16/6 - Training
18/6 - Research proposal submission
26/6 - Presentation
03/7 - Presentation
4-8/7 - Training
10/7 - Final exam
17/7 - Final exam

Help me Allah!

Today's Status

2011-05-27T18:38:00.002+08:00

4 hours ago...
Painful sinus bones, plus headache.

3 hours ago...
Life on the road today... MRR2 - KESAS - Shah Alam - Puchong - SKVE - Seri Kembangan - MRR2 - Kinrara - Puchong - KESAS - MRR2

2 hours ago...
So hungry has not eaten a proper lunch.

1 hour ago...
Feeling sad for an unknown reason.

The stall in front of my condo is not there today. Argghhh...

Alhamdulillah... nasi kukus for lunch + dinner

Few minutes ago...
Feeling better... but tired.

Few seconds ago...
Jealous.

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Bite What You Can Chew

2011-05-22T18:33:00.003+08:00

Today, class finished early. I went to the library to pick up a reserved book, only to discover I actually needed a different volume. Sigh! But thank God the library is open during this short semester break. It was a really, really thick handbook. Have to go to the library one of these days and return all the books I don't need. I've borrowed 20 already. I will certainly need a trolley to cart them to the library. I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning to complete my assignment. I've made attempts to complete them earlier but it seems the last minute pressure managed to force me to think fast for the answers. It wasn't perfect but it was better than nothing.

Yesterday was spent worrying and preparing for my training tomorrow. I should still be worried about my training preparation but too tired to think about it now. I've just taken a nap and is feeling much better. I'll prepare all the materials tonight as tomorrow I have to be off to Shah Alam early. This is a huge note to myself... next time do not take the training job if it is not really my forte no matter how people convinced me otherwise. The pressure is too much to bear especially when I have pressure from my Master's class as well. I'll have to face this pressure for 4.5 days. Even a normal training of 2 or 3 days would be tiring enough already. Remember this: Not your forte, don't do it.

It is really challenging and I'm so looking forward for end of training. Thank God we don't have classes for the next 2 weekend but I have first draft extended essay submission next weekend and research proposal draft the weekend after. I have to find time to do my extended essay during this week and I'll definitely be slaving on the essay on Saturday for Sunday submission. I also have a 2-days training the week after but since it is my area, I can relax a bit. On top of all this, I'm also worried about our house renovation. Hmmm..... worrying will not accomplish anything right! So, relaaaxxxx.... and do my best. I will really appreciate the free time once all this is over.

Syukur

2011-05-20T19:44:00.002+08:00

Dah 2-3 hari entri ni tersimpan dan tak sempat disiapkan. Today, hopefully it will finally gets published.

Baru saja menonton petikan ceramah Dr Asri di YouTube. Laa Tahzan, innallaha ma'ana.... jadilah insan yang bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada. Bukan tidak boleh mengharapkan apa yang kita tiada... tetapi janganlah lupa bersyukur dengan nikmat yang kita ada. Jangan bila dah tiada kaki, baru terasa nikmat dapat berpijak di atas bumi. Fikirlah dari saat kita lahir, hingga sekarang ini, betapa banyak nikmat yang perlu kita syukuri. Ada cendikiawan yang berkata, tingkat mereka yang bersyukur lebih tinggi dari orang yang bersabar. Kerana ramai orang perlu bersabar dengan sesuatu keadaan yang susah, dan mereka tiada pilihan melainkan bersabar. Tetapi tidak ramai yang bersyukur dengan kesenangan yang mereka kecapi.

People often say motivation doesn't last. Well, so does bathing. That's why we do it daily. -ZigZaglar-

Samalah juga dengan iman. Perlu sentiasa disuburkan dengan tazkirah, ceramah dan peringatan2. Harap2 I will always be among His humble servant who frequently say 'Alhamdulillah'. Memang banyak perkara yang perlu disyukuri dalam hidup ini. Banyak juga petunjuk kebesaranNya yang menjadikan sesuatu mengikut kehendakNya. Namun, ada juga perkara yang kuharapkan... seperti seorang cahaya mata... untuk menghiasi keluarga kami, yang masih belum diizinkanNya.

Isnin lepas, berjumpa my gynae for follow up session and she recommended Chlomid. I was kinda excited with the possibility. It was all very clinical, time measured, technical steps to ensure baby is conceived. But then, I'll be conducting a whole week training next week and can't go to the clinic for an injection. My gynae said I could still do without the injection but the timing must be right, which could pose a problem considering the timing of my ovulation time. Anyhow, I'd give it a go. We'll settle issues the best way we can. After taking the tablets at night, I have a mild allergic reaction the next afternoon. I tried again the second time... my eyes swell again. I read up about Chlomid and allergic reaction, and the general consensus was to stop immediately if any allergic reaction occur. Normally my allergic reaction would be really bad. I'd consider this reaction very mild. But prolonged doses could increase the risk. Should I stop or continue? Then hubby break the news he has to 'balik sana' early next week. I was devastated. I mean... of all the time, this could be our only chance.

I stopped myself before I get very emotional. It is all in His will. Kun fa yakun... The youtube video watched earlier calmed me down too. Astaghfirullahalazim.. I've had so many blessings and experienced many things that shows His power. 'La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka, inni kuntu minaz-zalimin'. Jika kita rasa kekurangan sesuatu, perhatikanlah apakah pula kelebihan yang kita ada. Jika kita rasa kita tidak dapat apa yang kita inginkan, perhatikanlah apa yang kita dah diberikan. I'm blessed with the love from people around me, I've spent many tender loving moments with hubby, and I've a job that some people envy. Alhamdulillah... I'll still be praying for a baby, but I'll not let this setback upset me too much. Dia lebih tahu apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya.

I remember once I blogged about how difficult it is to sit down at home and have lunch together with hubby when I was working full time. Now, we have many of that moments together either with tapau or home cooked meals. Last time, we waited for public holiday that falls on weekdays to spend time together doing things that people normally do on holidays. Nowadays, we have many free time when I have no training and hubby's not busy. I appreciate our movie nights, jalan2 and cuddling moments that we share. I've make some lifestyle changes to enjoy what matters to me most and I'll keep counting my blessings throughout my life insyaAllah.

Throbbing Headache

2011-05-14T20:35:00.001+08:00

I'm having a throbbing headache from blowing my nose all day. I've had worse due to crying which also make me cry, nonetheless, this one is unbearable too. Sigh!

No painkillers or panadol since I'm allergic to it. So, suffer I will while preparing my training material & assignment till I fell asleep. Double sigh!!

Missing hubby a lot today...

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Saturday Random Thoughts

2011-05-14T09:18:00.003+08:00

Perasan tak lately blog ni banyak terisi bila ada banyak 'kerja sekolah'? Bila ada assignment ker, presentation ker, adalah orang yang meluahkan isi hati di sini :) Nak buat camana... this is one of my stress relieving technique hehehe....

The weather today is dark and gloomy due to the haze. Or maybe it really is cloudy and going to rain anytime soon. It doesn't look very different. I have always declared that I don't like this kind of weather. I do not perform or function well. It didn't help that I woke up with a sore throat and stuffed nose. I don't have flu yesterday. I did feel one nostril blocked every now and then and felt weird because I don't have runny nose. Today, both are blocked and blowing didn't help much.

I have a new pair of sports shoe courtesy of my sis who make the request and hubby for paying hehehe... I really wanted to wear it but the weather for the past few days is not good for outdoor activities. I'm not making excuses not to exercise tau abang :)

Early this morning, I received a message in my FB from someone claiming attracted to my smile and would like to know me better. Duh! My FB profile pic is a photo of me and hubby so no stupid person looking for a random relationship would want to go through the hassle on a person already with a partner right? So, is it to get me to deliver drugs or borrow money? I forward it to hubby immediately and he asked me to ignore it, which is my exact intention.

I'm actually in the midst of doing my work and not assignment this morning. I have to send the training material for printing next week for training scheduled the week after. Last time, preparing my training material is really daunting and time consuming. Now, it still is but to a lesser degree than my assignments as it didn't require research evidence. As to my thesis, still work in progress if you consider casual thinking as work :) Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation in class on topics that might appear in our final exam. It is 75% done.

OK... enough of random thoughts. Better get back to work if I want to enjoy my Wesak holiday. I thought hubby will stay till the holiday ends but he'll be back since he has a meeting on Monday so I want to truly spend quality time with him. Even though sometimes both of us worked at home but the spirit is different on holiday. He didn't have to sit in front of his laptop and not feel guilty about it :)

Library

2011-04-30T10:17:00.002+08:00

Were you ever excited about the thought of going or spending time at the library? My national library card has expired and it was used only once when I accompany my brother a long time ago. I was very shy of library during my matriculation and undergraduate days. Even now while doing my Masters, I prefer ebooks and online journals. Google books can be very helpful too in providing preview on some book chapters.

Despite my aversion to library, I can remember few instances where I love library so much. The first time when I was in Standard Two. That was the first time my father brought me to state library. That was the first time I discover I can read any books to my hearts content. I was reading voraciously. I selected several books to be borrowed and spend the rest of the time reading as much as I can. I'm a fast reader. All that thin primary level story books, read in a flash. Sometimes I finished reading all the four books borrowed on the same day once I reached home. I was insatiable. Then I started borrowing thicker books way beyond Standard Two level. This was during end year term break as a present for improving my grades. The library trips ended once the term commences as my father believes I should read only school text books once school started. Sigh! After that we started our 'mengaji' session after school and didn't have time to go to the library anymore.

The second time I was excited about library was when I was doing my Matriculation and discovered Agatha Christie books. I love them and only went to the library to return and borrow more books. I don't like to stay and read in the library. I prefer the comfort of my bed to really enjoy reading them. My brother couldn't comprehend why I love her books so much. I slept late at night reading. If only I have the same passion reading all my text books. Now, I discovered training books costing hundreds of dollars at the bookstore in our library. I was as excited as a child discovering all the interesting colorful new toys. All these for free :) Our quota is 20 books and I borrowed training related books from half of that quota not leaving much to other books more relevant to my coursework. Now I'm skimming and scanning the books because I really have no time to devour them cover to cover. And right now I'm supposed to do my 'kerja sekolah' instead of blogging and reading all the books.

Letihnya...

2011-04-25T02:37:00.001+08:00

Keletihan betul dalam kelas siang tadi. Letih dengan aktiviti teambuilding lepas belum habis lagi. Sempat tidur sebentar semasa rehat tengahari dalam 15-20 minit. Tadi pun terlena dan terjaga dalam pukul 9:15. Sekarang terkebil-kebil walaupun terasa letih lepas memilih soalan2 untuk presentation. Hampir 3 jam menaip past questions related to training. Ingatkan masa masuk tidur dalam pukul 1 tadi boleh lah terlena, tapi masih lagi tak dpt tidur. Tekak rasa kurang selesa, bahu terasa tegang, perut pula dah berkeroncong malam2 ni. Tadi lepas kelas minum milo cecah biskut. Sesuai betul layan masa hujan. Lepas terjaga tadi lapar juga. Korek peti ais tengok apa yang ada. Panaskan nasi sejuk, ada sayur kacang panjang dan asam rebus minggu lepas. Hentam saja lah asal dapat alas perut. Fikir nak makan apa pun, tak terbuka selera untuk apa2. Makan lah sedikit tadi, nasi + kacang panjang + kuah asam rebus. Ikannya tak selera pula nak dimakan. Kemudian minum teh o panas. Alhamdulillah kenyang. Sekarang dah lapar semula. Sigh! Camana nak diet ni.

Tadi panjang perbincangan dalam kelas untuk tajuk thesis. Walaupun macam kurang relevant dengan current business practice in Malaysia, ia sebenarnya penting untuk context tertentu. Hal yang dibincangkan ialah applicant reaction during interview. Kalau ikutkan lambakan fresh graduate yang kurang kualiti, I don't see the importance of concern on applicant's reaction from organization's perspective. Sorang tak suka, ramai lagi yang ada. Lagipun biasanya fresh graduate terima jer offer kerja if that is the only offer. But, if it is to attract experienced candidates to join the organization, it is very much relevant and worthy of investigation from organization's perspective. So kena explore topic ni dulu and tengok mana yang sesuai dengan current or potential business practices in Malaysia. Kenapa applicant reactions? Sebab supervisor yang nampak sanggup berusaha so we can complete our masters program early minat tajuk ni. Walaupun not related to training which is my interest, relevant jugalah as it involves HR practices.

Hmmm... nak cuba lelapkan mata lagi sekali. Minum madu hopefully will prevent sakit tekak, and tahan lapar sket. Fikir lagi pasal thesis esok dekat library. Terpaksa pergi library weekdays sebab long semester break till Sep, library tutup on Sat-Sun. Not fair for Masters student tapi nak buat camana.

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Dulu & Sekarang

2011-04-23T18:01:00.001+08:00

Dulu kalau outstation naik flight, pandai-pandai sendiri nak balik. Sekarang bila tiada yang jemput, terasa muncung macam panjang sikit the moment sampai KLIA or LCCT. Sigh! Tak suka nak muncung2 tapi entah macamana susah betul nak kawal. Adakah ini tandanya dah manja atau mengada2. Hmmm...

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Exam For Sem 2 Is Over

2011-04-03T23:06:00.002+08:00

I have just completed my final exam for Sem 2 today. It has been a long & challenging semester for all of us. I'm glad it's over & looking forward to new semester too. I vow to complete my assignments earlier next semester. I just got the hang of writing educational paper & it is starting to make sense. The pressure this semester has been tremendous. I'm hoping for good grade as last semester but I'm prepared for anything considering how difficult it has been. I can't thank my helpful classmates enough for all their help either with the research format or listening ears. 2 done, 4 more semesters to go. Sem 3 will be April-July and Sem 4 should be in August but too near to Raya break so I'm not sure. We'll begin Sem 5 end of Dec - Mar and final Sem April - July. Phewww... So if everything goes according to plan, I'll complete my Master's degree by next year. Still has not figure out what research project I'll be doing. Women at work? Gen Y at work? Training related? Hope I get my inspiration soon.

Tidurlah Mata

2011-04-02T02:17:00.001+08:00

Dari pukul 12:45 tadi mata masih terkebil2. Kenapa lah susah pulak nak tidur ni? Mungkin sebab bantal peluk takder. Sigh! Tidurlah mata, esok nak study lagi. Two more chapters mindmap & more revisions. Nak study sekarang, rasa dah mentally tired. Tidurlah wahai mata...

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Patience and Silence

2011-03-31T19:18:00.001+08:00

Tengah cuba bersabar. Hidup ini ada turun naiknya. And why do you have to be patient? Because... people have different expectations and limitations. Ada masa kita free and lepak and has got nothing to do so we treasure that free time by doing things we like doing. Ada orang pulak, bila free, cari benda2 untuk dibuat sama ada untuk diri sendiri atau turut libatkan orang lain. Ada masa pulak kita sibuk dan orang nampak kita sibuk. Ada masa, minda kita yang sibuk dan orang tak nampak minda kita sibuk. Ada masa kita nak orang memahami apa yang kita nak. Ada masa orang pula nak kita memahami apa yang dia nak. Itu kan adat dalam kehidupan. Knowing and doing is two different thing. Kita tahu ni semua perkara biasa. No big deal! Tapi kadang-kadang memang susah nak bersabar despite what we know.

Kadang-kadang kita tak perlu kan pun kata-kata penghargaan. Tapi janganlah pula bila kita dah buat yang terbaik setakat yang kita mampu, diberi pula kritikan atau kutukan. Bukankah diam itu lebih baik dari berkata sesuatu yang menyakitkan. Kita tahu ni kan? Sebab kita pun tak suka bila diberi kritikan atau kutukan bila dah buat yang terbaik setakat yang kita mampu. Tetapi, biasalah. Kan namanya pun manusia. Kadang2 lupa bila kita pula yang menyakitkan hati orang, berkata sesedap rasa tanpa berfikir panjang. Itulah adat bila berhadapan dengan manusia. Mungkin lebih mudah untuk kata lantaklah it is no big deal sebab kita pun pernah buat silap tapi bila hati dah terguris, susah juga kadang2 nak bersabar.

Hmmm.... apalah pula hal yang membebel tak tentu pasal ni? Mungkin sebab stress nak periksa hujung minggu ni dan belum sempat nak study. Terasa seperti ingin berkata-kata lagi, tapi sementara masih ingat kata-kata sendiri iaitu lebih baik diam kalau tiada perkara2 yang baik untuk diperkatakan, maka lebih baiklah kita diam. Syyyy.....

Partially Relieved

2011-03-20T16:42:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah... I'm partially relieved after completing presentation for both my HF and IOK subjects today. However, I have to appeal to both lecturers to allow me more time to submit my research report and research proposal. Again, Alhamdulillah because both has given their consent. Which means I have 3 assignments to submit this week. Sigh! 2 from last week and 1 originally due end of this week. Arrrgghhh.... Anyway, that should give me better hope for better results. Amiiinnn...

Both the presentations were nerve wrecking. We draw lots to determine who goes in which order and both times my name was the last. That means I have to sit through others' presentations that looked so much better than mine. Their data looks good, their flow looks convincing and their references were impressive. I have huge inferiority complex there especially considering the rest have background in statistics and psychology and I don't. It was on the tip of my tongue to appeal my case to the lecturers and ask for some allowances in the marking due to my different background but I hold by the rules of presentation, never show your fear, never point out your weakness and never highight your mistake. So that's what I did. Take a deep breath, just go through the slides. One after another. There were some points where I almost faltered and thought these thing I'm presenting can't be good at all, looks like it was incomplete (not like what others had done), and so simple it could be boring to others but I managed to complete nonetheless. What a huge relief after it was over.

During the Q&A on the first presentation, a classmate pointed out to some of my slides that didn't look right. She has good background in research and is very precise and methodical in her report as well as presentation. I explained and she doesn't look convinced but did not want to push further so as not to put me in hot soup. I can see that clearly in her face. I am sure if she's marking my research, there would be no chance I would survive. Then, my lecturer came to the rescue. It seemed what I did was clear to him and I may not have written it down explicitly on my presentation but it was OK. Pheewwww!!! Again, I'm very relieved. Thank God there's no Q&A for the second presentation.

In the end, all our presentation marks were almost similar +/- 0.5 to 1 points. I can't believe it! My first presentation scored the highest mark. Really??? I'm having a mental image of me gaping in disbelieve. Probably my classmates do to. I scored the second highest in my second presentation. These presentations weightage on our overall marks were only 15% and 20% but they were a huge morale booster. Now I can complete my HF presentation confidently as I know I'm on the right track. I also learnt a lot today that will help me in future research projects. Alhamdulillah...

Previously, frustrated that I have to find references for every single idea I want to put in my research, I almost feel like screaming, "who cares about who said what decades ago!!! this is what I'm saying now!" Heh... I still have that feeling when writing research papers but I felt better today. At least all that effort of sleeping in front of my laptop in the living hall at 3 a.m. for few days paid off. Next step, gather my thoughts and complete the report. Chaiiyyookk!!! :)

Torn Apart

2011-03-18T11:04:00.003+08:00

Today is already Friday. I'm torn apart with two feelings.

1) Yeaaayyyy... hubby is coming back soon. Miss him so much. Tak sabar nak tunggu next week.

2) Alamak Friday already. 2 assignments done, 3 more to go and 2 due this Sunday. And yet, I have time to blog???!!!! Biasalah bila hati tak keruan, mesti lepaskan stress dengan menulis.

This weekend, for IOK subject, has to send Research Proposal (40%) and present our Consultancy Presentation (20%). Status: Research Proposal not done, Concultancy Presentation done Alhamdulillah.

For HF subject, has to send Research Report (25%) and present our Research Report (15%). Status: Not done. The presentation depends on the completion of Research Report and its still in progress.

Sigh! Sigh! Sigh!

Next weekend, IOK subject has to submit one Extended Essay (40%) which I plan to complete it Sunday after class sampai siap on Monday so I can spend time with hubby when he returns. HF subject final exam (40%) boleh study Friday and Saturday. Next week's plan looks OK for now. This week yang tunggang-langgang. Hmm... OK lah I better get back to work.

Happy 3rd Anniversary Dearest Darling Hubby

2011-03-13T00:01:00.001+08:00

TQ to my dearest darling hubby for the wonderful bouquet of sunflowers :) Lots and lots of love to you. We still have a long journey together. While we have our differences, I hope in the end it is our love for each other that matters. You are forever my 'Special Man'. I can't wait for hubby to return home and spend wonderful time of TLC together. Absence do make our hearts grow fonder and this will be one of the longest time either one of us is away from each other.

Received text from hubby earlier that he's down with fever and a bloated tummy. Hope he's feeling much better now. I still remember when hubby's down with fever during our umrah last time. Sigh! It was bad and I was really worried coz he don't normally get sick. I'm the one who do. I'm praying for him to recover soon and for the rest of the clan to remain healthy as well. Mak Sue misses everyone.

Recipe for a Perfect Holiday

2011-03-12T22:38:00.003+08:00

What would be the recipe for a perfect holiday? For me, a perfect holiday would include most if not all from the list below.

01) Sightseeing
02) Snorkeling
03) Diving
04) Island hopping
05) Spa
06) Shopping
07) Great food
08) Great photos
09) Good movie
10) Jungle trekking
11) Playing at the beach (or water)
12) Any new and adventurous activity

As I'm still considering options for a quick getaway when hubby returns, I'm trying to create the best itineraries with our time constraint... MY time constraint actually. I have two location in mind right now. Hopefully I can come up with a decision soon.

Dreary Day

2011-03-11T13:32:00.001+08:00

My lunch... a quick fried rice. It has been a wet & cold dreary day today... the thought of going out just is not in my plan. I woke up at 3am last night thinking of hubby and only manage to fall asleep again around 5am. When I woke up he just passed the immigration after 3-hours wait and has to wait another 3-hours before boarding the bus to Madinah. I can't imagine the challenge they went through with kids in tow as I can still remember how tired I was last time while waiting to pass immigration. And that's just the two of us. Please be patient abang and akak as this is part of the challenge to visit His holy place. Take care....

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Missed Hubby Already

2011-03-10T18:13:00.002+08:00

Hubby waving goodbye
Hubby will reach Jeddah around 11 p.m. tonight. I sent him off at the airport today and left KLIA with a heavy heart. He's on board Saudi Air taking off at 3 p.m. Hubby said there's a surprise for me this weekend. I can't wait for weekend to be here :) 1) I really am looking forward for his surprise. 2) More days passes by means hubby will be home soon.

I'm planning a short holiday for us when hubby gets back. I'm torn between 3d2n or 2d1n holiday. Reason... I have exam that weekend. But hubby will not be free after I finished my exam. Sigh! A good motivation for me to study and prepare my assignment while hubby is away. So where to go for holiday? Sea or hills? Local or abroad? Decisions... decisions...

Anyway, I wish hubby will be in good health all the time there and everything will go as planned. Counting down to 22nd March...

We Will Be Celebrating....

2011-03-07T08:00:00.004+08:00

In just a few days, we will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary of solemnization ceremony. In Wikipedia, on 'wedding anniversary', there is a list of flowers for each year of the anniversary. I'm not sure what is the basis or reference, but interestingly the flower for 3rd anniversary is sunflower :) See list below. For full list, refer to Wikipedia.

Year Flower
1st Carnation
2nd Lily of the valley
3rd Sunflower
4th Hydrangea
5th Daisy

Anyway, hubby will not be around to celebrate our anniversary together this year. He'll be going for umrah with Melaka family. The trip was planned for December last year but postponed because Saudi government did not issue umrah Visa on December. Then the plan was to postpone to December this year but the rescheduled flight ticket must be utilized by a certain date or it will be forfeited... so can't wait till December. Otherwise, I'd love to join them. I'll be missing hubby so much and hope everything went well. We will celebrate our anniversary once hubby return from his Umrah trip. He'll be busy after leaving work for 2 weeks and I'll have my final exam the coming weekend after he's back but I'll plan for a short getaway trip anyway.

This is the picture of our 2nd anniversary.
I really miss being in Madinah and Mekkah but the timing wasn't right. And one thing special about Umrah or Hajj, if it is not destined for you to go, even if you have all the money in the world, all the time in the world, you will not reach there. There are many rich Muslims who have not received 'the call' to visit these sacred places. There are many who is financially tight but has received unexpected rezeki to go there. Come to think of it, it is the same with life. If you think you're prepared to get married, prepared for family life, prepared for better position, you may not get what you want because He has other plans for you. I pray I'll be able to go for Hajj and Umrah again in future. Below are pictures of us during our Umrah trip in 2009.

Near Masjid Nabawi in Madinah
At Jabal Rahmah... said to be the place where Adam and Hawa met on earth.
In Masjidil Haram.

Tempat Mengadu

2011-03-05T09:21:00.001+08:00

It has been established that I have 'Powerful Choleric' personality, followed closely by 'Peaceful Phlegmatic'. That explains my bossy nature (depending on situation) and how I handled most situation... accepting, choose my battle based on what matters most, belief that there are other important things in life than our own model of the world... lebih banyak tak kisah dan beralah.

Life is easier that way. I've seen how some people struggle sebab bos marah, struggle sebab orang terdekat tak ikut cara yang dia rasa sesuai, dan stress sebab perkara yang nampak remeh. Bukan nak memperkecilkan perasaan orang... I have high empathy to understand that to him or her, it's a big issue. So Alhamdulillah that God has given me these personalities so I can accept most things, be very adaptable and flexible.

But there were times when I have issues that I feel is important and hope people around me would understand. There were times when I feel hurt too despite feeling 'tak kisah' most of the time. There were times when I feel sad and when I look around me... I just realized I don't have anyone that I can share my feelings with.

Hubby... he's been great when it comes to sharing my feelings... except when there are issues between us. Then where do I turn to?

My mom... she has chosen the 'avoidance' approach. She disagrees with my choices and not want to have anything to do with any difficulties, hardship, emotional upheaval, even happiness. Ditto with my brothers.

My 'sis', it was very nice of her to offer her friendship... but I know she has many things to handle. She's far and sometimes I feel guilty when I talk about myself and later I found out she's not well herself but did not share her situation. There are some issues that I don't feel comfortable sharing due to our situation too.

My friends... the married one seems busy with their family, the singles were busy with their life. I used to ask my single friends whom I used to spend time with out for a drink or shopping... the response was busy and no time of course. Till I felt like maybe now I belong to a different group once married. Maybe my assumption was wrong and they were just busy but after several tries, I gave up. Relationship is a two-way thing. If my 'friends' doesn't feel the need to keep the friendship, there is nothing much that I can do. Some friends take you for granted. Once I went out for lunch with a 'friend', she spends most of her time on the phone with someone else. I know she's having a problem and need to vent her feelings but I was there and we have not met for so long. While I understand her situation, doesn't mean I don't feel hurt. There are some friends where you just grew apart. I'm slow in making new friends. There are many acquaintances but it is not easy for me to open up and trust people. Sometimes I feel like deleting most of my FB contact.

My MIL and SILs were great but we're not 'buddy' close.

So that's it. It is painful to realize that you're alone and tiada tempat mengadu. I have this blog of course. It has helped me cope with many situation in my life since the past 7-8 years. I have Allah too... the ultimate place to talk about my feelings and not get hurt unlike relationship with other human. I just don't feel normal without friends though. I have asked for love and Allah has granted it. Now dear Allah, I would like to ask for friends I can rely on. Aamiin...

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Rindu ke tak rindu?

2011-03-04T20:57:00.001+08:00

Bila tak SMS, ada orang kata kita tak rindu. Bila dah SMS, jawapannya "OK. TQ." jer... buat kita rasa ada orang tu pulak yang tak rindu. Busy sangat sampai tak dapat nak jawab panjang-panjang. Sigh! Tu lah kadang-kadang malas nak SMS. Buat kita pulak terasa hati.

Tapi kalau ada orang dah merajuk, kita juga yang tak senang hati dibuatnya. Tu lah dia adat dan dugaan untuk menjaga hati orang tersayang. Bila sentiasa di depan mata, mula lah take things for granted dan kadang-kadang boring melanda. Bila dah berjauhan pula, rindu tak terkata... sampai rasa tak nak berenggang langsung.

Yang mana satu habit sendiri, yang mana satu tabiat hubby, biarlah rahsia bak kata Datuk Siti :) Tinggal beberapa hari jer lagi hubby tiada disisi hampir 2 minggu. Kena lah bersedia dengan cabaran bila berjauhan. Hopefully SMS dikirim sampai ke destinasi, WiFi ada untuk online walaupun sekejap... dan yang penting sekali, semuanya selamat pergi dan selamat kembali.

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Date Night

2011-03-04T15:45:00.001+08:00

Last night, hubby and I went out for a quick dinner and movie. It has been a while since we went out for a movie. It was some time before I found out I was pregnant... and then the complications and confinement. Since this week I started conducting training, hubby also has to conduct some technical training... and yesterday was the last day. It was like a celebration after few days of hardwork :)

I wish we have longer time so I can window shop but going out at night was always a rush of Maghrib prayer, dinner and movie. Our favorite movie time were around 9 - 10 pm so we'll reach home around midnight. The movie 'Sanctum' was engaging from start to end. It was about few cave divers who have to find escape route because the cave was flooded. No way am I going to dive in any cave after this. Only recreational open water for me.

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Feeling Better

2011-02-25T20:35:00.003+08:00

It has been exactly a week today since my D&C. Only today I felt much better. This has been the worst miscarriage experience ever. Of course there are no 'good' miscarriages experience but what I mean is only today I felt much better and it certainly has been a difficult recovering stage for me as compared to natural misccariages. The difficult part was the abdominal pain... quite like the menstrual pain but it come and go in a short while. However, during those short moment, the pain was quite unbearable. It was sharp and felt like my internal past was being squeezed and let go, squeezed and let go. Over and over again.

Today is also the second day I went for my massage session. I believe the massage has helped in reducing the pain. First, there's the sauna session... followed by 'tangas', tungku and then massage. The masseuse told me if I have abdominal pain, it could mean I still have blod clots in my body. Yikes.... And she said supposedly D&C cleared all that. Anyway, she hope the 3 day massage session will help somewhat in clearing things up for me. I hope so too. I have 4-days training next week and can't afford to double up in pain during training sessions. Thankfully I will only facilitate as my colleague takes the main trainer role.

My masseuse also higly recommend the turmeric juice. That's what I quickly did last night after I have the abdominal pain. Once it eases up, I quickly put on my rubber gloves, took 2 large pieces of turmeric and prepared it for the blender. But it was too little for the blender and did not blend properly. Anyway I still took what little juice I got from it and drank immediately. To follow the full confinement ritual is like a full time job. I wasn't as disciplined but did what I can as time permits.

Now that I'm feeling better, on to the next worry.... my assignments. Sigh! Double Sigh!

OK enough self-pity and wistful thinking. Get to work....

Berpantang

2011-02-21T16:41:00.004+08:00

It has been a few days of 'berpantang' now. By now I should be a pro about confinement-after-miscarriages but the reality is... I'm still quite confuse. Google has been a close friend this past few days and even then, it can't give any definite answer. Below are some useful websites for my future references:-

- About D&C
- More on D&C
- Confinement after miscarriage
- Confinement practices
- More on confinement practices
- Confinement menu

What am I confuse about? Well... there's the air kunyit, Nona Roguy herbal tea, pati ikan haruan, the limited confinement menu, the opposing view of confinement food, less water consumption, the watery singgang and soup menu, massages, herbal bath, bengkung, tungku, tangas.... sigh! Aren't you confuse yet?

This morning I felt more pain in the lower abdomen than the past few days. Could be something I've eaten. Have to be more careful of what I consume. What's good for others may not be good for me, vice-versa. Our body is complex and unique. I've read about some who didn't bother about confinement say they feel fine and some who complaints about not feeling well enough without proper confinement. As much as I want to be a tough girl, my body has always shown me how delicate it can be.

Another Lost

2011-02-19T21:14:00.001+08:00

I woke up feeling a slight pain in my lower abdomen. Haven't they done anything about it yet? Then I look at the wall clock. Almost 5 p.m. Ehhh... that means it was done. Yes... I remember being wheeled to the operation theatre & asked to inhale the gas. Next thing I knew I was back in the room right before the operation. I asked the nurse was it done already? She showed me something in a tight container. That was supposed to be my baby. Now it's gone.

It all started during the CNY weekend. The end of the weekend will mark the 6th week of my pregnancy. A crucial time since my previous miscarriages happened during this time. Everything went smoothly and I don't think I exerted myself too much. Hubby and family has really taken care of me. Then... I started coughing. It went from mild to bad in a short span of time. One day I was ok, the next day I wasn't.

I started to feel heavy to breathe and wheezing. My inhaler doesn't help. At about 8pm we went to a clinic but we were asked to go to the hospital since I'm pregnant. I was given neb at the hospital and felt much better after that. We left around 9:45 pm. Poor hubby has still not taken his dinner.

Then I woke up after 1 a.m. and have trouble breathing again. I tried to relax, put some ointments on my chest and drink hot water. Nothing works... I felt like dying. I've heard people died due to asthma and probably this was how they felt during their final moments. I struggled for about an hour before deciding to wake hubby up. We reached the hospital around 3 a.m. and I was immediately wheeled to the emergency area.

After 2 doses of neb, I still struggled to breathe so I have to be warded. I reached my ward at 5 a.m. We were in Melaka. We were supposed to return to KL that morning. Instead of referring me to hospitals in KL, hubby prefer I stayed in melaka as we have many families & relatives here. I was given neb every 4 hours and once I need it even before 4 hours gap. I felt better the second day with less doses of neb required but the doctors still heard sound from my lungs. So can't discharge me yet.

The next morning I woke up & noticed some bleeding. A trainee doctor wants to explain my asthma case to his supervisor but I told them I noticed some bleeding & is waiting for the gynae to come & check. He politely asked if they can talk for a while before the gynae come but his supervisor said it's ok and shall not disturb me. A lady trainee doctor asked how much was the bleeding and I burst into tears. I don't want to go through this again. She consoled me for a while before joining her group.

I only got to see the gynae at 11 p.m. They can't see the heartbeart but referred me to hukm anyway since I could still be minus few days from 6 weeks. Everyone tried to console me and said maybe there's still hope. The female trainee doctor came to see me quite often to ask how I was doing. I was touched by her act. She didn't have to do that but she did. She'll be a great doctor.

I was discharged on 10th of Feb, 4 days warded. I went to hukm the following Monday. Not only the bedside manner of the nurses and doctors were bad, they have a lousy ultrasound machine. How can the doctors make good decisions with bad equipments? And the bedside manners... a male gynae checked me when I was in Melaka after a female gynae who wanted a second opinion. I don't like it but he did not make me uncomfortable in any way. In hukm, the female nurse did not make me feel comfortable, the male gynae did not make me feel comfortable & the lousy machine did not give me the confirmation I wanted. I've had better experience in Hospital Ampang. My next appointment was in 2 weeks time. I was given an option to do D&C also but I'm not confident with what I saw... more of not seeing anything much on the screen actually.

I don't feel like waiting for another 2 weeks. What's the point of waiting if there's no more baby? But I want to be sure I'm making the right decision. The following night I have a bad stomach pain. I can't sleep that night. It was not contraction or cramps... just uncomfortable. I called Ampang Puteri the next morning but the receptionist said Dr Fauziah will not be around till next Monday. I've been seeing her several times. I can see another female doctor but she'll be around in the afternoon. I don't want to wait so I went to Hospital Ampang. As it turned out, I have to wait till afternoon also. There are many female doctor here and everyone has good bedside manner so I have no complains on that. But, their ultrasound machine has problems too. I can see things better than in hukm but they can't make proper decisions too as they can see the sac but can't really focus on whether baby is still there or not. What more to determine size and heartbeat. They wanted to refer me to the gynae but the gynae is either too busy or too lazy. She just said because I still have pregnancy symptoms, no bleeding except the first time, still possible baby is OK. Appointment next week. Huh? That is not very satisfying. Another waiting game...

I Google for 3d scan and found some info that the nearest is in Pantai Hospital Cheras. I called Ampang Puteri and they said they have 4d scan but only available on Monday. So that brings me to Dr Suriati's clinic yesterday. Her clinic was not as cramped with people like Dr Fauziah's clinic. Thank God for that. We were the first to be there. As it turned out the machine was not 3d but it was very clear. I can see the sac and baby. No heartbeat and although it's 7 weeks 5 days, the size remains at 6 weeks. With that confirmation I decided to perform D&C at Pantai Hospital the same day. I wasn't as sad. The only moment I was down about the whole situation was when I first discovered the bleeding. Then, it was frustration of waiting, not feeling well and having pregnancy symptoms without being sure if baby is OK.

Our hope for baby is dashed again. After few scans, I was told that I have fibroid. Maybe we'll handle that issue after I'm better. Few doctors confirmed that asthma doesn't cause miscarriages. But hubby is worried pregnancy might cause my asthma getting worse. Even if in our next try we may pass the 6 weeks mark, but can my body take it the whole of 9 months? I have no answer to that. We'll have to see how thing goes.

We certainly has gone through a few roller coaster ride in the past two weeks that I don't know what normal feels like. I felt drugged from the medication, tired, nauseous... unfit for work and certainly can't do much on my study. Hubby tried to be supportive but he's behind with work also after a few days leave to take care of me. All I want now is to get better as soon as possible. I have training to conduct end of this month so that should give me few days rest. Not to mention all the assignments due in March. One day at a time.... that is what I can afford to give at the moment.

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The 5th Week

2011-01-26T09:07:00.003+08:00

Maybe the dizziness I experienced in the beginning of this month is not related to the ones I'm feeling now. Maybe it does. Only God knows. Few days ago I felt dizzy with a vengeance. It was so strong it got me really worried. I have 3 training days so far and it was a real challenge when dizziness strikes as most of the time I was on my feet. If it's not low BP, not due to sugar level, I might have to do lots of tests as the doctor suggested last time. Furthermore, I have not been eating right and on time. I'll normally get headache when I don't eat on time. But that was headache... not dizzy.

Then, I started to feel pain just like when the milk factory was preparing themselves the last time I was pregnant. I dare not hope as I was expecting my period in a few days time. Maybe it was one of the PMS symptoms. Then there's some light spotting few days before period. I was confused and started counting the days again. I know eversince my miscarriage last time the timing was off but few days early? The possibility of implantation bleeding did cross my mind but after about a year since last miscarriage where disappointments after disappointments when japanese army comes for a visit (hehehe... how's that for dramatic effect?)... I stopped hoping and only stick with facts especially when it comes to my bodily functions. Yup... even with the frequent urination, I'm not whipping out that pregnancy test till I missed my period. There's a pregnancy book at MPH that I thought could be a good buy... but stopped myself before I bought it. What am I going to do with it if I'm not pregnant? It will just be a painful reminder.

THE day came and went. Nothing! The next day I scrambled around looking for my pregnancy test. I knew I have one stashed somewhere but I couldn't find it. I go through my drawers twice. Sigh! Where on earth was it hiding? I can't keep up with the suspense any longer and drove to the nearest Guardian. I did the test. Initially I didn't see anything but the second line started to appear more and more prominent after about a minute. That is a fact! And I can't stop smiling. There's a feeling of quiet confidence in me that says, this is it! this will be it! But the rational me is still kinda apprehensive. It is still in its critical stage. The last time it lasted around 6 weeks. I'm just in the 5th week now. Everyday that goes by without bleeding or severe cramping is a blessing and victory for the little one :)

I don't mind the dizziness so much now. Hubby insisted I took some milk like Anmum or Enfamama or whatever as long as it gives extra nutrients to my body. I can't say No to that eventhough the thought of 'milk' doesn't really excite me. That night we went out to buy the milk and I saw they got chocolate flavor. Hahaha... lucky me. That should taste better. The next morning hubby reminded me to drink the milk. It didn't taste that bad. And surprise, surprise, I didn't feel as dizzy as before. So probably my body nutrients is passing to baby at a high rate. Hence, the dizziness. So the milk has helped. And I will be counting our victory days one day at a time. I need all the prayers I can get... may we have a healthy, happy baby who will be a sweetheart to ummi and ayah in the world and hereafter. So here begins our journey...

Not 100% Well

2011-01-08T07:37:00.001+08:00

I've been under the weather lately. I still have not recovered from my sore eyes. It has been almost 2 weeks now. It was not as swollen or red but it still itches and looks smaller from my healthy eyes.

Then, I have bout of dizziness a few days ago. I felt nauseous if I move too much. I don't feel like my head was spinning or anything like that... just kind of heavy. It's difficult to explain. Hubby insisted I went to clinic to check so I did. I got my blood pressure and sugar level checked. It was normal. The doctor doesn't seem to be able to explain my symptom. She just prescribed Prochlor for my dizziness with a reminder if I don't recover, I'll need to go for blood test.

The pill does stop the dizziness but now I have different problems. I have problem passing motion that caused stomach pain and goosebumps. My ear also ache and I can feel the sharpness of the pain right to my tonsil. I know ear ache can cause dizziness but I didn't have it earlier. Not until I took the pill. Initially I didn't make the connection. Yesterday morning I took the pill, missed it on lunch which makes me feel better in the evening, then I took one after dinner and started having tummy discomfort, ear ache and goosebumps again. Sigh! So that's the culprit. That's what happened when we treat symptoms and not causes.

I'm quite worried now cause come to think of it, I have this bout of dizziness quite frequently already. Once at my workplace a few years back, I have to ask my colleagues to drive my car back. He stopped at a nearby commuter station with another female colleague to continue their journey, before I drove back on my own. It was a shorter journey home that way. That was way before I met hubby and the doctor gave some pill for ear infection. Then I got it several more times and I thought it could be due to my low blood pressure problem.

I went to clinic twice already to check my BP and sugar level when I felt dizzy, and they were normal. So what causes the dizziness? I might not realize it if it happens for a day... I'd thought it was something I ate or I was just tired... but it would normally lasts for few days. Now, I can't quickly assume it is due to my low BP. I don't feel dizzy anymore... just the symptoms after taking the prescribed Prochlor tablet. I have to remember the next time I feel dizzy again, have to perform more tests.

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Happy New Year 2011

2011-01-01T19:25:00.002+08:00

Time flies so fast. It is now the third year I'm freelancing and I have already completed the first semester of my Master's program. In March, we'll celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary, going on to 4th year of marriage. We'll be moving to another house soon. Hopefully, the house will be the spot where we'll settle down till retirement age. Hubby has a plan to settle down in his hometown very much later in our life. I don't mind wherever that may be... as long as we're happy :)

As for my freelancing performance, it has been a decline of revenue by 15k in 2010 and 10 days short from 2009 where I have 61 training days. In 2010, I have more lower paying training job but I have more clients and different topics for training experience. Which means, I also have to spend more time to prepare for the material. In 2009, I have a project for unemployed graduates and the training topics were all the same. This year, I already have 4 training days already booked in January. I hope it will be a good year. I'm not pushing too hard though since I don't want to sacrifice my study for work. I have a choice to have more free time... that's why I choose freelancing.

For my 1st semester, I was really worried about my statistics paper. The group research did not turn out too well. I wasn't very confident with my final exam but thank God I did well. A- for my statistics and an A for my cross cultural psychology paper where I have more confident in the final exam. I believe my statistics Prof has been quite lenient since we don't have any statistics background. But he told us he really can't help two of the final year students no matter how hard he tried. So they have to repeat the paper again and they have to wait for when it's offered.

I hope I will never have to go through that experience. Unlike when I was an undergrad where a consistent B+ will ensure a Dean's List... for post grad, I really have to try to score as much as I can. I now have the working experience and as a trainer, a better way of learning new things. If later in the semester, I have to struggle with work demand or God knows what, the CGPA from my earlier semesters can be a buffer. So there is not really an excuse not to do my best when I can now.

Yesterday, as I was watching CSI reruns, a phrase stuck in my mind. "Belief in the best version of yourself". I really like that. There were time when we were down, when we were up, when we were our best, when we were not... just belief in the best version of ourself. That we are good enough, that we are capable and able. Am I worried about the future? Some people are worried about not having a steady income, not having EPF, not having a steady job...

I do worry... but not too much. I belief God has things planned for us and make available the resources we can use to go on with our life. Whatever challenges He throw at us, I hope we'll be strong enough and calm enough to go through it. Why this train of thought? A dear friend is going through a difficult phase in her life. I tried to be there for her as much as I could. That also make me realize we're here in this world to be tested. As long as we're strong as a family, as a big family, I believe we can go through anything. In her case, her family shuns her in her quest for happiness. I can understand her feelings. I've been in her shoes. I have my own family now and their emotional support really means a lot to me.

As for work and survival, rezeki comes from Him. I'm not tied down like some people who worry why they did not get promotion, why they did not get a raise, why their employer did not notice them and feel as if there is nothing much that they can do. I conducted a leadership training once and some participants confided all these fear. When I kept repeating that rezeki comes from Allah, not their boss who do not want to promote them, not the Board who chose a person who speaks better English during promotion interview, some get it, some gets cynical about it. I'm thankful for my skill and ability to train and for the 'rezeki' that comes from Him. For all the good things that come my way, I hope I'll be strong enough to face difficulties and calamities.

With that thought, Happy New Year 2011...

End of Year 2010

2010-12-30T20:40:00.011+08:00

The year ends in a flurry of activities... work and study and play... At some point, I even feel like I couldn't breathe with all the deadlines looming. I'm trying to list down as much as I can remember in this entry for personal reference.

For a start, in early November, I was still recovering from illness the week before. Long recovery period due to allergies to antibiotics so I have to let my body heal itself. Hubby's birthday on the 3rd... decided to buy him his heart's desire on the 1st. He has mentioned about it so many times already. Shared with my dearest sister for our hubby's birthday present. My only hope, he'll cherish it all the time since he'll use it and brings with him everywhere :) On hubby's birthday, treat hubby to lunch at Secret Recipe... with a cake.

On the 4th, finally decided to format my laptop and downgrade the OS from Vista to XP. According to Dell, can't install Windows 7 on my Dell. Many drivers will not be available. So I changed the corrupted hard disk, change OS and hope I will not have to change laptop yet.

That weekend, went back to hubby's hometown to celebrate his birthday with Melaka family. MIL was still warded so I stayed with her for a night. After a splashing time at Wonderland, have to drive back on Saturday night for my class on Sunday. Have to submit our group research report too but really... everyone has been busy. We just did what we could. I wasn't satisfied with our final product but we don't have any more time.

I have my first training after illness on the 12th. Thank God it was just a one-day training. That weekend was my last class before our final exam on the 21st and 28th. In between, I was busy preparing a training material for East Malaysia training. Initially, the training was supposed to be based on a ready material. Then the client requested something different. We scrambled to complete the material. It was a real challenge with very limited time.

What I don't like about outstation training is the traveling day. You're not paid for it and time will be more precious when you're tied to the flight schedule. I have to rush to airport once after my final exam. Then there's another training in early December. My final training before a long holiday. That weekend, I went back to hubby's hometown for a holiday in Melaka. We became like a tourist that day, visiting the ship museum, walking around, shopping for souvenirs, went to the recreational park, kayaking, eating, watching movies...

Ohhh... I also bought myself a Desire :) Just about a month after we bought hubby his iPhone 4. Initially, I thought I wanted another iPhone. iPhone 3G should do for me but then Samsung Galaxy Tab caught my eyes. When I went to format my laptop, I have a look and feel of Tab. It was just too big as a phone. Samsung Galaxy S is a good substitute but upon reading reviews and looking at the best Smartphone in the internet, I changed my mine and set my heart on HTC Desire. Then, my dear sister Kak Na ask about HTC Aria. She initially wanted an iPad but I sold the idea of Tab to her. When she told me about Aria, I smiled as I've decided on an HTC too. Comparing the two model, Desire is the best option of the two. She bought her Desire not long after hubby's iPhone. I only have time after about a month later to get myself one. I chose a red casing for my Desire.

The next weekend, Melaka family come down to KL and we spent the weekend together again eating, swimming for the boys... and spending a day at Cosmo World Berjaya Times Square. I tried the roller coaster... it was tame on the first part... the second part was really crazy. I grinned broadly with wide-eyes instead of shouting with close eyes like most people do when they're afraid. I was also concerned about making sure my specs did not fall down so maybe the focus wasn't too much on the crazy ride. Then, we lost one of the boys. Sigh! We lost Lan the last time we went to Petrosains in KLCC. He went of wandering looking for washroom at a different level and taking his own sweet time looking at comics. This time, it was Korie. He tried calling us but we don't hear the phone with all the surrounding noise. He waited near the elevator to the parking lot. Thank God! It's amazing he remembered the way to the parking lot. My second semester class has started that Sunday too. Then it was packing time for our Perlis and Langkawi trip. Azim's birthday is today but we're so tired and so full we didn't buy him any cake despite my promise. He helped me pack that night and hinted about his non-existent cake. Poor Azim. I hug him and said how nice he was to help me pack that night but everyone's so full already there's no point buying a cake if nobody eats it.

Azim had his cake at Auto City Secret Recipe the next day. He didn't eat much. He's just a happy boy he got a cake. The boys were not too happy with the choice of homestay since it didn't have any swimming pool. Too bad... We make the arrangements quite in the last minute so I consider ourselves lucky to find the homestay. There are many homestays in Kangar but not many advertise it in the internet. Hubby has to work and the boys wanted to go to Kaki Bukit for a splash in the river but it rained for almost the whole two days we were in Kangar. So we went to Padang Besar instead. Hubby cut his meeting short and joined us. At least, the shopping place has roof. I found a nice red bag for my camera, and a set of red luggage and laptop bag. Wowww... many red item for me the end of this year. We went bowling in the evening and had dinner at Kuala Perlis. The roadside were full with cars that parked because the owner went to Langkawi.

Thank God it didn't rain in Langkawi. We pretty much has a good weather the whole time we were there. We booked our transportation at Kuala Perlis. The agent there said we might not have much option in the island since there are many people now. I'm convinced they just say that to get us to book from them but hubby did not want to take risk. When we reached Langkawi, the promised vehicle was not there. Hubby was really annoyed but the office there found us a substitute vehicle which happens to be 2 weeks old. New and better than what we booked. So, lucky for us there.

We went to have lunch, then went to the Cable Car. The place were packed with so many people, the lines were like snakes and there are people who tried to cut queue. We bought the ticket at the Jetty as its cheaper there but we have to change the voucher to tickets. Hubby queue for the ticket. I queued for the line. When hubby and the group joined me, the guard stopped the Mat Salleh infront us who queued alone but later joined by their friends from getting in. He said they are not supposed to do that. Everyone should queue. Thank God he didn't notice us. We have a baby in the group and there's no point for everyone to suffer in the heat.

We went straight up, enjoyed the scenery, I queued again (quite a long time) for a pita burger that were engorged in less time they were made. The boys also enjoyed their time in the rabbit pen. Then, we checked in our hotel and went straight to the pool after prayer. The hotel wasn't as nice as the time we were here the last time. Apparently, they have changed the management. That night we had our dinner at a quiet restaurant. No wonder it was quiet. Even with very few customers, it took ages for them to prepare our meal. Then, we walked back slowly and looked for a spa place. We planned to pamper ourselves the last night we're here.

The next day, the trip to Payar Island. The cloud were quite dark and the sea very rough. The ferry trip took us about 45 minutes. The attraction at the island are baby sharks. But when we reached there, the sea was murky we couldn't see anything. Only much later it cleared up and there were many sharks. I wanted to snorkel with the sharks but they left by the time they saw people around. I didn't bring my underwater casing because this trip wasn't planned. I didn't think we'll use it but now I kinda regret not bringing it with me. The only consolation I have was the murky sea water. It would still be useful though. Next time I'll just bring it with me whenenever we're near water.

That night, we went shopping for some clothes while the boys played ping pong. For dinner, we had burger. The next day was our island hopping trip. The tide was low so there were many people at the jetty but the boats tried hard to unstuck themselves and started bringing people for their island hopping trip. Thank God we were among the earlier group so when we reached the Pregnant Maiden Lake there were still not that many people around. The hightlight of the day was when I float on my back and saw eagles flying above me. So serene and peaceful. Then we went to a floating restaurant where they have many interesting fishes, including a turtle raised in nets under the water.

The eagle feeding trip was a really short one I didn't have much time to take good photos of the bird. We spent quite some time at Pantai Beras Basah. All the time, we were kept waiting by our boatmen as he went away to fetch another group. We were wet and full of sand when we reached our Inova. We stopped for lunch before heading back to our hotel. That evening, we stopped for cendol and laksa. The cendol was a mistake as hubby and I started having sore throat after that.

We wanted to go to Makam Mahsuri specifically for its special pop fish treat but we don't have much time. I also wanted to take buffalo photos at buffalo park but the website mentioned it was close on friday. We went anyway and its not closed but it wasn't as I expected. The buffalos were kept in a building, not an open field. Means I have to find other ways to take photos of buffalo in an open field. We could feed the buffalo though. After that, we stopped at Beras Terbakar, more to shop than looked at the almost non-existent burnt rice. We just missed the sunset at Dataran Lang but the fading light still is beautiful. It was kind of a rush this evening. We withdrew some money, bought chocolates, return to hotel and my dear sister and I went for our massage courtesy of hubby. The place was quite secluded. It wasn't bad and not 5 star either.

The next day, our last day, we played at the beach. First, the jetski... then parasailing. Last time I went parasailing, I didn't have camera with me. We only took shots from below. This time I brought my camera with me so I could capture the breathtaking view. We waited for the banana boat afterwards but the earlier group keep on going on it we decided to just return to hotel to pack and check out. Our last stop was the Underwater World. I thought last time we took longer to explore than this time. Probably because we're so hungry by now. After a good lunch, we returned the car and bought our ferry tickets. We managed to get the 4:45 ticket but it was delayed for 40 minutes. We reached Kuala Perlis and it was raining. Hubby had his fill of Nasi Kandar at Alor Star before we hit the highway. We took turns driving and reached our place at about 3 a.m. Everybody was tired and I have class early tomorrow morning.

Thank God I only have 1 class as one lecturer has replaced the class earlier i.e. last weekend. Initially we're supposed to go to the library for some reading assignment but he has not gotten back to us with the course outline and reading topics. I gladly returned home, bought some rojak for lunch and took a nap after lunch. That night, we had Nasi Ayam Penyet for dinner as Korie's wish. He really enjoyed it I had fun just watching him devour his ayam bakar and his brother's ayam penyet.

The next day, hubby has to go to work, the boys had fun splashing in the swimming pool, we cook lunch and pack. Melaka family to return to Melaka, and we're going to Kuantan. Hubby has a meeting there the next day. So that's the end of our holiday. Hubby still has sore throat from the cendol and I still have flu from it. I even struggle with my asthma the first two days after we return from Langkawi. It got better when we were in Kuantan. And then I have a sore eye. Sigh! My wish for year end shopping did not materialize due to red and swollen eyes. Anyway, I really had a fun holiday. It has been a vey busy end of the year.

Blogging from my Android

2010-12-13T21:51:00.001+08:00

It has been a loooonnggg time since my last entry. Sigh... too many things has happened and I was either too tired to put my thoughts out or just unable to do so. Explanations later... I'm just testing this Blogger-droid :)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Technology at War

2010-11-04T23:36:00.003+08:00

This week, I have to complete my Research Project (30% of my Statistics final paper) and prepare a training material for my training end of next week. Both has been put on hold ever since my laptop started acting up again. I cannot take anymore chances. Not in my line of work where I rely on presentation slides for my training. I can totally make my training slides free but we have to manage client's perception too. For most participants, they expected to see PowerPoint slides as visuals. Even though visuals can also be in other written forms like flipcharts and posters, some would perceive the low-tech technique as not equally good compared to others.

Despite not being under warranty anymore, I gave Dell a call and they put me through to the technician. After some guided troubleshooting, the verdict is I have a faulty hard disk that has to be replaced. They need my original CD for OS installation in the new hard disk but for the life of me, I can't remember where on earth have I hid the CD. They can replace the CD for free and all that inclusive of another year warranty would cost me $900++. A brand new laptop from Dell starts from RM999. So, what would you do?

I opted for new laptop. I know no way would the final price of my laptop be RM999. I learnt my lesson that any purchase from Dell, might as well take up the 3 years warranty. It is much cheaper than activating the warranty after it has expired. So I spent few hours going through several model and comparing specs. The price of the few options I have customized ranged around RM2K - RM2.5K. Before placing the order, I wanted to sleep it over first. That was last night. This morning I feel totally in the mood to bring my laptop to Lowyat and fixed it once and for all.

I asked them to replace the hard disk, install XP and check the fan. It may have caused the system auto-shutting down. They fixed the fan for me. Cheaper than replacing it of course. All that costs me RM407. A lot cheaper than Dell warranty. Dell's salesperson is supposed to give me a call yesterday but they never did. Now I'm still in the process of updating and transferring files. One external hard disk backup done. One more to go. Now I have 320GB space so no problem storing all my backup files.

I spent about 3 hours lingering in Lowyat while waiting for them to repair my laptop. Lowyat is not a place for you to window shop if you can't resist gizmos and gadgets temptations. I saw Samsung Galaxy Tab few days ago while iPhone 4 hunting with hubby. Now I can't get it out of my mind. It would definitely be better for reading as compared to my iPod Touch. iPad would be too big for me. At RM2699, it certainly is pricier than few of my Dell options. The screen resolution is brilliant. It can replace my handphone. I think I've had my N73 for almost 5 years already. But then, the thought of putting 7" screen near my face like a phone sure is funny. If I go on a holiday, diving, I'd definitely need a smaller phone. That thought kills my desire for Galaxy Tab altogether.

However, Galaxy S has similar feature with Tab, with an even more brilliant screen and a nice phone size. The price is the same. Now, I'm salivating over S. Sigh! I offered to survey for price for Kak Na while I'm at Lowyat. That brings me to Canon shop for some lesson on EOS. Then I saw it... Powershot SX30IS. Yummyyy... Last time I was considering SX20IS with 20X zoom. SX30IS can give 35X wide zoom with 14.1MP. Wowww... wowwww... wowwww...Priced at RM1599, it certainly is very tempting. Sigh!

If I really want to squeeze my budget, I can certainly get both but I'm a very, very rational person. Do I NEED another camera? Is it urgent? Do I need a really expensive phone? All this while my handphone budget has never exceeded RM1500. But since I can use it for 5 years, it certainly is very worth it. Even laptops won't have that long a lifespan and not give any problem. But my N73 and iPod Touch has served me well so far. Hmmm... I guess I can wait a while longer before making any new purchases. If canon can give 35X zoom now, who knows how much more it can improve in future.

So here I am at home, still updating my Windows and installing applications and transferring backups. Nothing done on Research Project and training material yet. Sigh! Sigh! And double more Sigh! I hope I can get something done tomorrow before going to MIL's place. I promised to send my training material on Tuesday. I really hope that would give me enough time. For now, I'm so tired already. Bed has been calling me since about an hour ago. So Good Nite!

Happy Birthday Abang...

2010-11-04T22:56:00.006+08:00

This week is beloved hubby's birthday. Here is my wishes to dear hubby, etching it in the cyberspace, for our memories.

'Semoga panjang umur dan diberi keberkatan kesihatan, keberkatan kasih-sayang, keberkatan rezeki dan sentiasa dilimpahi rahmatNya di dunia dan akhirat. Luv u so much.'

This has been his third birthday that we celebrated together as husband and wife :) Each year, our love grows stronger. Each year, we try to make it a special birthday week on either one of our birthdays. I hope this week has been really special for you abang. I could spend as much time as I can with you this week :) No gifts can top that though I do hope that you'll love your birthday gifts too.

Money can buy gifts but not love and love is a gift from Allah. Nothing is more precious than that. As I have mentioned before, if there is no love in our heart, no matter how much we try to love someone, we can't. If there's no love in your heart, no matter how much I wish for you to love me, I can't. Semoga keberkatan kasih-sayang ini berpanjangan hingga ke akhir hayat and I'm so thankful to Him to be given this precious gift of love to be shared with you. May the challenging journey that has brought us to this stage, sustain our love till the last of our breath.

Happy Birthday Abang and I pray we can celebrate our birthdays for many more years to come. Love you :)

Recovering

2010-10-29T20:06:00.004+08:00

I'm still recovering from coughing. It's not completely gone. It's really annoying but hubby kept reminding me there are others suffering from worse illness. Yeah it's true but when I'm having my bouts of coughing till my ribcage hurt, I really prayed for quick total recovery.

I'm still feeling lazy though. Really, really, lazyyy..... I'm still not in the mood to revise lessons for my class, I'm also supposed to prepare a training material... not in the mood yet... I also need to clean the house but my normal cleaning lady is not available this weekend. I booked her too late. Sigh! I wanted to cook but the gas head leaks. We still has not replaced that yet.

My taste bud has not totally improve. There's a tinge of bitterness in plain water. I tried tea to mask the taste but I can still taste a non-tea bitterness. I've been having tomyam soup for few times because I didn't feel any bitterness to it. It's OK to have normal meals but I didn't enjoy drinking water too much. Not good if I want to recover quickly.

There are a few things I must do to make me feel totally cured and normal again like go watch a movie, play bowling, go shopping alone, go on vacation with hubby. Oh yeah.... and go to work too. Sigh! Sigh! Sigh! Right now I feel like a totally spoilt child... so pampered. Can I hide behind the fact that I've never experienced poor health like this before? God willing, I never want to go through that time again. And I should thank God for my 'good' health all this while. Allergies, asthma and sneezes... still better than sick.

OK... I'm still mustering the right mood and energy to study for our mid-term re-test. I still didn't know my exact score since I didn't come to class last Sun but a call to my prof said I did quite OK. Thank God for that. He said it's optional for me to take but if everyone else is taking it to improve their grades, I might as well do the same. The re-test is necessary since quite a number of us did not do well at all. I also need to do a presentation for my other class. Which reminds me that I lost my Microsoft Office license when I reset my laptop to factory setting. Arrgghhh!!!! I called Dell and they said they didn't keep the license key.

I got blue screens several times today. Upon checking, my laptop model is not fully compatible with Windows 7. Hubby's all out for XP. If I still got blue screen and other problems, than only I need new laptop. But... having to go through the installation all over again??? I need to resolve this once and for all. Now, I have to find the right time to do it.

This Week's Event for Future References

2010-10-24T06:43:00.004+08:00

I have Tue-Thu training.

Started having sore throat on Tue. No coughing or flu... just sore throat.

Get's worse on Wed so went to clinic Wed nite. Started coughing and asthma. Also feeling feverish. Given neb and a plastic bag full of medication: cough medicine, gargle solution, antibiotics, something to clear the phlegm, pill for asthma and something for the sore throat.

Thu, my participants said I sounded better. I hesitated a bit when I wanted to take the antibiotics. I could get allergy reactions and Thu class would be a disaster. I took them anyway and pray for the best. Thu class ended up a near disaster anyway coz my laptop crashed. Refused to boot up. Thank God someone from office has a laptop I can borrow. But he has to make a u-turn to office and get his laptop. I really appreciate it.

Thu evening, I started to feel a familiar sensation. An allergic reaction is forming. Only after 3 times taking the antibiotics. At the end of class, I started feeling nauseous. My tummy felt like it's having a major gastric problem. When I reached home, I dozed off for a while. Just for about half an hour when I woke up feeling my eyes swollen. Rushed to the same clinic. Gotten neb and pred injection. Felt much better afterwards. Hubby's not around tonight.

Woke up at 3 badly wheezing. Toss and turn and pour dollops of ginger lotion on chest. Doesn't seem to work. Drag myself to the car at 4 a.m. When to the same clinic but it was closed. Oh oh... not 24 hours. So drove off to the hospital. At this hour, I hope there's a parking spot. Given neb and more medication since I register temperature at 39.5. They were discussing about what to give me since I'm allergic to so many medications. I hope no more allregic reactions after this.

Return home at almost 6 a.m. For breakfast, couldn't bring myself to eat much. Every bite of bread, have to control myself from vomitting. In the end, just took a few bites. Ordered McD porridge in the afternoon. Managed to eat half of the small pack and took the medicines given by hospital. Dozed off for a while and woke up with swollen eyes again. Sigh! Dragged myself to the car at 2p.m. and prayed I could get a parking spot since most would have not returned from Friday prayers yet. Managed to park at the same spot when I came at 4 this morning. Thank God for tender mercies.

This time, after initial check up, I was brought to a bed and given neb. So many people... nurses, attendant, doctors, asking me what happened. So difficult to explain in between wheezing and plastic covering my nose and mouth. My hearing doesn't work properly too. I heard as if the sound is in a cave. When the nurse asked me to move to the side, I turned my body. All this while, when I went to the clinic for allergic reaction, the doctor will jab the butt. Not this time though. They wanted to put me on drip. Apprently my BP was very low. This is my first experience going through something like this. Alhamdulillah I have never been warded my whole life. The earliest I could remember was when I had a fever in primary school. The government clinic put me under observation. I just lie in bed with my parents hovering around me and all felt a sense of relief after a few hours my temperature cooled down. When I had my miscarriage, almost warded too but in the end it was cancelled.

This time, I was given 3 doses of neb and in between they did a heart test, urine test to check if I'm pregnant cause they wanted to take X-Ray, blood samples taken from my other hand. Ouch!!! I was wheeled to the toilet on a wheelchair. I was wheeled to the X-Ray room on my bed. The nurse is very helpful and non-intrusive. She helped me take off my jewelleries and undress. Helped me to dress again after the X-Ray since my left arm is attached to the drip bottle. Two doctors came to ask about my allergies. My allergy card is full with more names. Please pray I don't have to undergo any surgery since I can't take most painkillers and antibiotics.

Hubby returned with the whole clan. Meriah sikit and I did feel a lot better. But that night I tossed and turned till about 3 because of coughing. Despite dose and dose of medication, this time sleep is really a luxury. They left Sat afternoon. I wish they could stay till Sun morning but I'm sure they have other things to take care off.

Left alone, I used iPod hubby gave me to find info on how to restore my laptop to factory setting. Nothing else seems to work. This is the last resort. Hubby helped transfer my latest file to his external hard disk already. I remember I've made backup as well ever since my laptop started to act funny. Probably about a month ago but I wasn't sure of the exact date. Without another laptop, I can't check content of my external hard disk. Thanks for the iPod abang. That is my lifeline to email, FB and internet since my laptop crashed on Thu.

I'm going to install only the important applications. After I did my Windows Update, remove McAfee and install AVG, my laptop shutdown unexpectedly again. Duh! I ran AVG PC Tuneup hoping it would fix whatever errors causing it to shutdown unexpectedly. Hubby already cursed my OS :) Say NO to Vista! In between coughing and holding up my bruised ribcage and diaphragm, I installed all the application I need one by one. After every successful installation, I ran the AVG PC Tuneup. And everytime it found errors. But so far no more unexplained shutdown. I can use the AVG PC Tuneup for free only for 24 hours.

This cough is really killing me. I woke up like every hour doubling up in pain everytime I coughed. At first, I thought not wanting to take the cough syrup. Seems like I excreted more phlegm after taking it. But without the cough syrup, the phlegm seems to be playing in my chest, can't get out causing me to cough even more. So cough syrup it is.

I'm supposed to go to class today. I have to give a presentation worth 30% of my course marks. But I don't think I can stand the coughing and wheezing. It'll be a vey long day. I'm currently blogging while moaning and groaning everytime I coughed. Might as well do something useful since I can't sleep.

Support and Sacrifice

2010-10-01T02:42:00.003+08:00

Kejayaan memerlukan pengorbanan dan pengorbanan itu bukanlah sesuatu yang mudah untuk dilakukan. Kejayaan yang dimaksudkan termasuklah kejayaan dalam kerjaya, pelajaran dan keluarga. Sebelum ini bila melihat orang lain bercerita pasal kejayaan dan pengorbanan, tak terbayang bagaimana susah untuk mengharunginya. Bila diri sendiri yang melalui, barulah terasa akan kesusahannya. Belum lagi sampai tahap kejayaan... masih dalam proses mengharungi pahit-getirnya.

Bila ini semua sudah berlalu, mungkin aku boleh menoleh ke belakang dan mengenang semua ini sebagai satu lembaran dalam sejarah hidup :)

Aku bukanlah seseorang yang suka mengadu-adu walaupun sekadar untuk meluahkan masalah di dalam hati. Apatah lagi jika ia perkara yang aku rasa sangat sensitif. Lebih baik ditelan saja kerana mungkin ia lebih baik. I'm a very private person. Nukilan ni, sekadar berkongsi setakat yang mampu diadu.

Semenjak-dua menjak ni, terasa nak menulis blog dalam bahasa pulak. Mungkin sebab banyak training pun kena conduct dalam bahasa. Bolehlah berlatih berbahasa ibunda formal pulak. Hmmmm.... apalah pulak yang merapu malam2 ni kan. Bila ada masa nanti, akan dipostkan entry pasal deadline2 yang banyak tu.

Aidilfitri 2010

2010-09-18T17:52:00.004+08:00

Today is already 9 Syawal and it's the first day I have work meeting since my Raya holiday. There are many work-related and study-related things to catch up and memories to refresh after the long holiday. I also have my masters class tomorrow and I have to schedule my time properly as I already have my dates booked for training. The meeting this morning has great potential and if everything goes according to plan, I'll have many East Malaysia training for the next 2-3 years. For my record, here are my thoughts about Raya this year.

Tahun ni Raya memang meriah di kampung hubby. Di KL tak terasa mood Raya pun. Tiada persiapan raya di rumah melainkan baju raya. Itu pun jangan tidak. Jumlah anak-anak dan anak-anak buah tahun ni 30 orang. Walaupun tak semua ada, kemeriahan raya adalah untuk mereka dan kerana mereka. Perancangan asal nak bertolak Rabu malam, tapi hubby dapat balik awal so bertolak petang dengan 3 orang anak buah. I feel blessed this Aidilfitri with the love from family members. They are hubby's side of family but I regard them as mine the way a marriage should extend your family network and embrace their love and acceptance and giving the same in return.

Tahun ni, 2 keluarga hubby beraya bersama dalam mood yang lebih mesra dan santai. Adalah 1-2 insiden yang boleh melarat menjadi 'potential disaster' tapi Alhamdulillah hati cepat sejuk bila difikirkan apa yang penting sekali ialah untuk menggembirakan orang tersayang. Once I decided on what matters most, the rest seems easy. May we continually be blessed with this Rahmat from Allah. I'm always in awe with the feeling of love. I once wrote in my fb, "Love is a gift from God. If you don't have love in your heart, no matter how much you try to love someone, you can't. If someone did not love you, no matter how much you try to make them do, they ...can't. So appreciate the gift... cherish your loved ones."

Jangan sekadar dilihat 'love' pada your other half but also from everyone around you. Family and friends. You can't force their love. You can't force them to accept you. So when you have their love and acceptance, cherish it. It truly is a gift from God. Tahun ni tak dapat beraya bersama my mom. Sedih bila teringatkan mungkin tak lama lagi dapat bersama emak. All I want is for her to enjoy her golden years with peace of mind. But she makes a tough decision. I do not have much choice. Panjang kalau nak bercerita tapi pengajaran darinya ialah betapa pentingnya love and acceptance. Trust me on this, I really understand its value. Ini juga dugaan dari Allah kerana hanya Dia yang mampu merubah hati seseorang.

Ada satu lagi pengajaran yang kadang-kadang kita terlupa. Di sebalik sesebuah senyuman, kadang-kadang tersirat seribu makna. Aku insan yang lurus bendul, kadang-kadang kita ingat apa yang nampak di mata itu memang betul. Kenapa peringatan ini penting? Kerana kadang-kadang orang senyum bukan kerana suka atau apa yang kita buat itu betul. Jadi kenalah berhati-hati agar tak menyinggung perasaan orang dan tak tersinggung perasaan sendiri. Kita sendiri pun kadang-kadang senyum kerana pelbagai sebab kan.

Raya pertama, beraya sakan sampai tak larat makan. Raya kedua berehat sambil melayan tetamu yang tak ramai seperti terbau MIL tiada di rumah. Raya ketiga dan empat, tetamu tak putus datang. Malam raya ketiga sempat melarikan diri bersama MIL dan SIL jalan raya sampai sesat-sesat jalan. Walaupun sesat, itulah yang jadi kenangan yang akan diceritakan pada raya-raya akan datang :) Malam raya keempat, balik KL bersama seorang buah hati... Azim yang demam. Sampai rumah lepas 12 tengah malam. Nasib baik keesokkannya badan dah tak panas lagi. Pagi berehat sebab penat semalam belum hilang lagi. Tengahari, buah hati yang seorang nak spageti. Dah sampai pizza hut, dia order pizza pulak. Sempat berjalan raya ke rumah seorang rakan. Yang lain ramai yang dah kerja. Petang mandi-manda di swimming pool. Malam dah kepenatan. Azim pun dah tertidur masa dinner di luar.

Keesokannya perancangan awal nak balik semula ke kampung hubby. Tapi ramai yang akan naik KL, terjadilah rancangan makan-makan secara tak sengaja. Pagi-pagi, sempat ke swimming pool, kemudian beraya di Klang. Azim dah mula tak sedap badan semula. Panas badan dan merengek. Rindukan emak agaknya. Kelam-kabut balik dari Klang nak sediakan juadah makan-makan dengan Azim yang merengek. Risau betul tengok keadaan dia. Tetamu dah ramai datang, masih ada menu yang belum siap. Apa taknya. Ekspress betul. Pukul 4 petang baru masuk dapur nak masak untuk dinner kan. Harap2 tetamu puas hati dan yang penting kenyang. Azim yang melepek terus berjalan bermain lepas emak dia sampai. Hmmm... betul-betul rindukan emak lah tu. Ubat dah sampai, demam pun hilang. Lain kali kalau nak ikut Mak Su tak leh lama-lama lah yer sayang. Kesian emak kena datang dari jauh. So malam tu semua keluarga hubby berkampung dirumah.

Raya ketujuh, Hari Malaysia, disambut di Petrosains dan Aquaria. Nak dijadikan cerita, seorang lagi buah hati menghilangkan diri pergi tandas di tingkat lain. Aduhaiii... penat tawaf tingkat 4 KLCC ingatkan nak periksa CCTV jer bila dia muncul dengan selamba... tak tau orang semua dah mati akal cari dia. If only we can put GPS tracker on each one of them.

I brought both my camera but my G11 ran out of battery. The backup battery bought during purchase was useless. It only survived one charge. Sigh! So I don't have that many pictures in Aquaria due to low light condition. My A710 IS can't really capture moving fishes in the aquarium under low light condition. Too bad.

After that sempat beraya di rumah Kak Ngah. Nasib baik jugak sampai walaupun dah dinner time coz she's been expecting us for lunch. Hubby dah tak larat nak drive. The boys apa lagi ada yang tak tidur the night before melayan game. Semua dah nak pengsan. Berkampung lagi di rumah before they make a move sebelum subuh the next day. Ada yang dah mula sekolah so kenalah juga bertolak awal-awal pagi. Sunyi bila semua dah tak ada. Cuaca pulak mendung dan hujan dari pagi. The highlight of the day was my much awaited massage session.

This morning, I have an early meeting. Sampai je rumah after meting, tukar pakaian dan melawat baby SIL pulak. Sekali lagi rumah ni meriah masa lunch dengan semua hubby's family and anak-anak buah. They have an after Asar event to go to. I'm supposed to prepare for my class tomorrow but ended up blogging instead :) As a consolation, this will become great reminder to this makcik with not so great memories anymore. In fact, dari dulu RAM and storage space tak cukup hehehe...

I hope everyone had a great Raya and holiday too. OK kena sambung belajar pulak lepas ni.

Student Life

2010-08-23T05:47:00.003+08:00

I started my student life again yesterday. It wasn't an easy decision because of the commitment it will require. Anyway, it is either now or never. So... take a deep breath and jump into it. Three places offer the course I'm interested in. One is HELP, the other is Nottingham University and the third is my former university. I met a student from HELP and another from Nottingham who chose my university instead of continuing with theirs. So I reckon I am making the right choice :)

There's only 5 of us who turned up during registration. After briefing, we went to our first class where there are previous students waiting with abated breath hoping they'll get some male classmates. In we walked, and there we were... all 10 female students who'll stick together throughout the rest of the semester. Another classmate couldn't come so in total there will be 11 of us. I suppose we could get male perspectives if we have male classmates but yesterday we had interesting discussions nonetheless.

We'll have 12 weeks weekend classes, exam the following weekend and 3 weeks break before the next semester begins. That's how my schedule will be for the next 6 semesters. During the briefing, we were told that so far none has completed the course within the minimum time of 2 years because of the thesis. I said we'll make it our goal to be the first batch to complete it in minimum time. That means I have to start work early.

It is easy to get sucked in with the enthusiasm of everyone in the academic field. Right now I'm thinking it is not impossible to even complete my doctorate if I want to. Let's see how thing goes once my Master's class begin in full force and I have training programs to conduct. Hopefully my spirit will not wane. A trainer with Master's degree is common. A trainer with doctorate is a different matter. How does Dr. Sue sound to you? Hehehe... Baru 1st class dah berangan... but like hubby said, berangan tak kena keluar duit :)

Underwater Fun

2010-08-03T15:45:00.004+08:00

This is the best underwater scenery captured during our recent snorkeling trip in Tioman. It makes me think of fairies and mermaid.

We planned to go diving but it didn't materialize. Our diving instructor was probably too busy under water to pick up our phone call :(

So we did other activities :)

Canon G11

2010-07-24T22:10:00.003+08:00

We bought a new camera.

I've been thinking of upgrading my PowerShot A710 IS but it was not on the top of my priority list for many reason. One of it, I don't think I've fully utilize all the functions. What's the point of upgrading if I'm not going to use all the functions anyway. However, that doesn't stop me from eyeing the latest models and re-evaluating my decisions of upgrading. I have my heart set on PowerShot SX 20 IS. With 20x optical zoom, it would definitely give an interesting photography experience. Thinking, thinking, thinking... rational took over. My camera still works fine.

Then we got a new hobby. Diving! We'll not be able to capture all the interesting things we see underwater without a suitable camera. Since we're going diving soon, having a camera that works underwater suddenly feels urgent. I've been looking for underwater housing that fits my old camera. Tough luck! Not in stock anymore. In fact, some salesman have never heard of my camera model which means they have not been working in the camera shop when I bought my old camera. It is not that 'old' is it? I still wanted to use my old camera so I bought the generic plastic cover. Nereus is the brand. The lense did not fit perfectly but since I bought it already, I might as well use it. The plastic cover wasn't cheap either. But then, I can't fully operate all the buttons on land with my hand. How can I expect to use it underwater with gloves? Sigh! What a waste!

So I started surveying and reviewing again. I can't buy the PowerShot SX20 IS. It doesn't have underwater housing. PowerShot D10 looks interesting except it can only go down to 5 meters. It would be great for snorkeling but not diving. I spent hours looking at all the brand, reading all the reviews till I discover Canon is still a great buy. All the underwater camera or camera with underwater housing didn't originally come with high optical zoom so I have to live with the fact that my new camera will NOT have a super zoom feature. Too bad.

After hours reading all the reviews and selecting few options, it occur to me that I might not get my choice if it is not available in Malaysia or not in stock. So I refer to the website and called the dealers asking which camera model they have in stock together with the underwater housing. That should narrow down my search and saves a lot of time. After a few calls, I'm down to 3 models: IXUS 130, S90 and G11. I got the price range as well so it's easier for me to decide. They sell cheaper than the price published in the website.

So I read the reviews and search for underwater images for the three camera models. S90 has greater reviews than G11 in several websites and to me IXUS 130 has the nicest design. But more people published underwater photos using G11 than the other two models. Probably not many use their camera underwater. All the beautiful pictures kinda make the decision for us. G11 it is. Sigh! Phewww.... so that's how I got myself a new camera despite not wanting to upgrade my old camera in the beginning. I still have my first digital camera, a Kodak which I never use anymore due to its limited functionality. It still take great pictures but the body has melted a little bit because I left it in my car. Can't sell it like that. I'll still use my old PowerShot as it's smaller than the G11 but it has 6x optical zoom while the new G11 only has 5x. Hopefully everything works fine underwater.

Birthdays

2010-07-22T23:00:00.004+08:00

It's my birthday today. Third birthday celebrated as a wife. Why do we put high importance on some dates in our life? For the memory? For the need of a certain benchmark? For the celebration? A friend once confided she feels more alone on her birthday as she has been celebrating it alone all these years. This year I hope she'll feel special on her birthday with a new family.

As for my birthday.... memories are short. After a few weeks, months, the feelings during the event will not really matter. In fact, it will probably be forgotten. But just for the record, I'd like to remember what I did on my birthdays. Two years ago, I was busy moving house and a day after my birthday, hubby and I went for a holiday. Last year, we went for our pool diving lesson, dinner and cake. This year, we celebrated my birthday yesterday. Hubby has a full day session with a client today and it did feel lonely without him around.

I'll forget about this eventually. I have to refer to my planner to recall what we did last year and two years ago :) So today will go into the fold of memories too but I need to remember that we spent a nice day yesterday. Thank you abang. We are going for a holiday next week too. So I'll appreciate all the time we can spend together.

Pleasures of Appetite

2010-06-18T12:59:00.003+08:00

It has been about two weeks now. I simply have no appetite to eat. I got hungry... then I'll just eat whatever available to stave off the hunger. Hubby said, "nasi habis juga sepinggan"... hehehe... Of course I can eat a plate of rice. I just don't enjoy it the way I should. Sigh! It's no fun like that. Now I truly appreciate the desire and pleasure of enjoying our food.

Since I got no appetite to eat, I don't cook. When I tapau food for lunch, I'll probably eat it at 2 or 3 when I can't stand the hunger anymore. If I'm not really hungry, I'll just eat a few bite and can't finish my meal. I wonder if this will make me lose weight. If it does, at least there's something positive out of it. But I don't think my metabolism rate will be very cooperative.

From what I know about dieting and losing weight, if we starve ourselves, our body will be in preservation mode where metabolic rate slows down and fat burning will be slow too. Despite eating afterward, the metabolic rate will still be in preservation mode just in case that's the only meal we could have for a long period. It will return to normal fat burning rate if we have consistent meal at consistent time for a certain time and this will differ from person to person.

So will I lose weight after two weeks? Hmm... I don't believe I will. Though now all I care is about getting my appetite back. I want to want-to-eat something.

What Is So Special About World Cup?

2010-06-16T16:44:00.004+08:00

World Cup is here. What does the World Cup means to you? Probably most feels some kind of attachment to a certain team but I know of a girl friend who just like to watch handsome man running around in shorts hehehe... I'm not really a football fan. I couldn't care less about 22 men chasing a ball like their life depended on it. Nonetheless, World Cup season is special to me for a reason.

I'm reminded of the days when hubby and I were still just good friends. We watched the game on TV in the comfort of our separate living room and chatted on IM about the game. Despite not really caring about football, I humored hubby while we chatted so I'd know what he was talking about. That was 4 years ago. That means now it's the 2nd World Cup that we're together :) I don't really have a team that I rooted for. It's just fun watching hubby getting excited about the game.

God willing, if we live a long life, we'd probably have 7 or 8 World Cup more in our life. It certainly is an interesting way of measuring life and relationship isn't it?

News Headlines Today

2010-05-31T10:38:00.004+08:00

MIC will be destroyed if I don’t take action, says Samy
JOHOR BARU: MIC president Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu said the party would be destroyed if he did not take prompt action against critics.

“MIC is an institution and I won’t allow anyone to destroy it. I will also make sure that it is not a slave to anyone,” he said when opening the Johor MIC delegates conference yesterday.

I'm not an MIC member and I couldn't care less about what happen to MIC but I can't help commenting on this news because it is sooo... funny. In fact, he's one of the funniest politician I can think of.

An institution can stand on its own. It doesn't owe any individual (be it the leader or members) anything. Seems like now it's a slave to the President. Heh! What's the point of saying anything. He's just so dense.

Drive for safer roads
TAPAH: Learner drivers may have to pay a higher fee for their driving lessons, while probationary drivers have to sit for a special test before they are given full driving licence or Competent Driving Licence (CDL).

So where's the statistics that shows more accidents happen due to new drivers? Driving problem is more of an attitude than knowledge issue. What's the effect of putting on more red tapes to get a simple driving license?

One million free laptops for poor students
RAUB: One million laptop computers will be given out free to poor students of secondary schools throughout the country to increase broadband penetration in the country.

What's the use of laptops without good broadband service? How reliable is the broadband at community centers? How do you categorize poor? Would poor children whose parents are from the opposition political party get the laptop? And most importantly, who is going to benefit by the purchase of one million laptop? Which vendor would supply it and would each laptop costs 40k or similar ridiculous figures as revealed by the AG not long ago?

Goodness! It’s a milk record
KUALA LUMPUR: Over 3,000 Malaysians stood united and drank milk simultaneously to set a Malaysian record at the country’s “Largest Milk Drinking Event” Sunday.

So what??? What's so great about it?

Many Malaysians turning their backs on elderly parents
PETALING JAYA: The golden age has no shine for an increasing number of elderly folk who are turning up at welfare homes on their own because their families cannot afford to care for them.

....

“Good infrastructure and easy and affordable access to social services is the best form of a social pension we can give, provided there is a strong government and a good economy,” said Shahrizat.

“When the quality of life is good, families are empowered. Only then will people be able to properly care for everyone in their families,” she said.

Well said. Now how do you walk the talk?

Simple Fun

2010-05-30T19:00:00.000+08:00

SILs, nieces & a nephew asked if I'm game for a picnic by the river. Oh definitely... so just grab a few clothes and off we go. The last minute outing was really fun. Sometimes when we take time to plan, things didn't materialize especially when it involves a few families. This time things went well and the weather is very cooperative despite the dull, grey skies in the morning. Right now I'm just plain tired. Feet's aching, body aching... if only I can go for a massage.

Immediate Mission:
- laundry
- rub feet with hot oil
- back massage with osim's handheld massager
- hot tea & Maggie sounded so appetizing after the cool river
- sleep

Yessss!!!!!

Life Excitement

2010-05-30T10:45:00.002+08:00

I was actually quite excited about this weekend. Today especially. Sunday! There were no specific reasons. Just a few things I felt like doing. When hubby asked what I wanted to do, I said "nak joli!" Hehehehe... But things don't normally go as planned. A friend can't join me, her daughter is down with chicken pox. Another friend is not free. It was still OK I thought. I can still have a marvelous time. Then I woke up this morning with a jolt due to leg cramps... 'simpul biawak' on my right calf. This is followed by sneezes, one after another. Sigh! My allergies can appear without rhymes or reason sometimes. Now my head feels heavy and I might as well stay home 'layan hidung'. Sigh! The dull, grey skies doesn't cheer me up either. So here I am blogging about life excitement heh!

Apart from diving, the most recent excitement I have is buying myself a pair of jeans. I have not been wearing jeans for 3-4 years since I put on weight. No jeans would fit me right at the waist. Last week hubby wanted to go shopping. A pair of jeans and few pairs of pants. He said his pants has been shrinking lately hehehe... He wanted to go to Levi's shop and whenever I went into any jeans shop, I would ask for my size and would get disappointed. Levi's shop did not excite me for I know they only stock low cut jeans for skinny thin girls. I've tried a few and got disappointed all the time.

I thought it ridiculous whenever I saw bigger size ladies wearing jeans and I couldn't seem to find myself a pair of jeans with reasonable fit. The problem seems always to be at the waist. I was even thinking of having a jeans tailored for me. That day I walked into the first jeans shop I saw. Dragging hubby with me. First, I asked for hubby's size. Hubby looked halfheartedly. He's set on Levi's. Then, I asked for my size almost expecting to be disappointed with the sales girl's answer. Only I wasn't. She's convinced she can find my size and I got the almost perfect fit only on the second try. The waist is still quite big but it was so much better than any other jeans I've tried before. You see, if you've meet with one disappointment after another, you'd know when you find the right one. That philosophy is very much like finding a husband hehehe...

I'd have to pull my jeans up every now and then if I didn't wear belt. I'd be fine with belt. Probably no one can imagine how good I felt when I finally found a perfect jeans for me. I felt young and sexy with that jeans I wanted to twirl around and around like a ballet dancer. Hubby's amused with my excitement :) Sometimes people take simple things like that for granted isn't it. Hubby likes one t-shirt so much while souvenir shopping when we went to Tioman the week before that he insist on buying it despite the size M. In the end, it's too tight for him and I can wear it perfectly. Brand new jeans, size M diving t-shirt and a new haircut, I feel form 4 again :) I'll enjoy this feeling for a while hehehe...

Things I Thought I'd Never Do... Diving!

2010-05-30T07:17:00.008+08:00

I love water, when I feel safe. Shallow rivers, snorkeling with safety gear, in a boat or ferry or even canoe, and the beaches. You see, I can't swim. The moment I have to tiptoe in a swimming pool or sea bed, I'd start to panic. But, I've been convinced by my diving instructor that anyone can dive. I wish I could dive from long time ago but never give it a serious thought because I can't swim. Then hubby wanted to dive and SIL has a contact and the rest is history. I saw a video on how Western parents send their babies to classes on how to float in the water. Once the babies has been taught to float, whenever the babies found themselves in the water, sideways or face down, they'll turn their body up and float. The babies cried, but they can float. I'm sure its a good thing to know because we'll never know when disaster will strike. So I thought, if the babies could do it, so can I. Under whatever circumstances, stay calm and try to float on my back.

We went for our diving classes many months ago. Way before fasting month. We wanted to go for a refresher course in the swimming pool but synchronizing my time, hubby's time and SIL's time with our diving instructor's is a pain. In the end we decided to just do it in the open water. We went to Tioman for our first open water dive. We stayed in Tekek and our chalet is right by the beach. We can don our scuba gear and started diving. We have to swim about 200 meters to the buoy before we can dive actually. We can't really swim with our scuba gear and tank so everyone floats on their back and paddle to the buoy. It was tiring and I thought I'd never reach the buoy.

My first diving experience, we were struggling to stay submerged and not touch the sea urchin. They are everywhere. The dive spot was quite shallow, around 8 meters and later our instructor told us in shallow water, there's a pressure up so novice divers like us need more weight to stay submerged. I only wore three weights block. Then we return to our beach and rest for a while before a boat took us to Rengis. The sea was quite rough as the locals said there's a storm the night before and I got sea sick. So is another male diver. When we reached our diving spot, I immediately get into the water and just like that I don't feel dizzy anymore. The other male diver had it bad despite getting into the water later. He ended up not diving.

Rengis is a really small island with just trees on it near Berjaya Resort. This time the dive is more enjoyable. I wore more weights and as the water is deeper (10-15 meters), there's no problem of pressure up. We circled the small island underwater and the view is amazing. This time we wore our gloves so we're not afraid of sea urchins but there's not as many sea urchins here as compared to our first dive site. Hubby's further in front most of the time with our instructor so he got to see many things first like a turtle. SIL and I are at the back holding hands most of the time and behind us a more experienced fellow diver keeping watch. By the time SIL and I reached interesting places, the turtle or the fishes already ran away. Our assistant instructor has to bring a lady diver up. She later said she don't really feel good herself and her husband, the one with a bad seasick, was waiting on the boat. On our way back, once I got into the boat. I felt dizzy again.

Our chalet.
Amazing sunset after our first two dives.
That night, we were so hungry but it took a while before our meals arrive. Other people's fried rice looked so appetizing. But once our meals arrived, after a few bites, I feel like I just don't have the energy to eat anymore. If only I can abandon my group and go to sleep. I do not want to waste the food so I ate slowly and waited till everyone finished with their meals before hubby, SIL and I excuse ourselves. We went for a short walk, looking at the souvenirs and found a nice spot to eat ice cream. Hubby and SIL eat the ice cream. Since my health is more sensitive to what I eat and I do not want any problem diving the next day, I refrain myself from ice cream and cold drinks. Hubby and I slept like a log that night.

Our third diving spot was at Pirate Reef. The sea was calmer today so thank God for that. The deepest we dive is at 16.9 meters and that is about 50 feet. This time, I wore 6 weight blocks and that causes me difficulty to move. I kept going way down near the sea bed. Fortunately, after our assistant instructor helped adjust my weight, I managed to swim. I love this dive. We saw a big real life Nemo. So much better than the one I saw in Langkawi Aquarium. This time, everyone confidently dive on their own. Our fourth diving spot was at the Marine Park. This time I used less weight and we have to dive without the aid of a rope. The water was not as clear as our previous dive but we enjoyed it too. According to our instructors, divers can do treasure hunt here since many people snorkeling above loose their things like gold chain or ring.

Our fifth dive was back at our first diving spot since we still have some oxygen in our pressurized tank. The current was quite strong here and I did not add more weights after the dive at Marine Park. That was a big mistake. After a while, I float almost near to the surface and can't dive down no matter how much I tried. I saw the experienced fellow diver looking for me left and right but I was at the top looking down with no way to signal to him. Only after a while he saw me struggling and reached up to pull me down. By this time, we're already so tired I guess. The paddle back to the beach felt like it would never end. I can understand how some people lost at sea can just loose the will to swim or stay afloat and let nature took its course.

Another unforgettable moment was when hubby's oxygen tank reached zero. At that time, mine was 80. I was swimming quite at the back and was eager to show my instructor that I was already below 100. When I reached my instructor's side, hubby was already sharing with him. In another dive, hubby has about 20 in his tank and mine's still 120. Our instructor said hubby and I should always be buddy underwater because hubby uses up a lot and I used less.

We were so hungry but our special lunch 'pelanduk masak asam pedas' and 'pelanduk berempah' was late. It arrived almost at 3:30 after we clean up, rest and pack. It tastes different and it was OK but I couldn't eat that much. Our ferry was very, very late. We reached Mersing jetty at 8 p.m. We shopped for more souvenirs and said our goodbyes to fellow divers and than had our dinner at a restaurant with big screen TV showing a Kung Fu movie. We started our journey at about 10 and ETA is at 2 a.m.

After a short drive, I started to feel nauseous. All the way I was trying to keep my tummy calm with the asam halia. I took the wheel for a short while later because hubby was so sleepy. It was not even 1 hour later, I stopped at an R&R. I remember we slept for a while, then hubby took the wheel and I dozed off most of the journey. I remember hubby stopping for a rest before continue driving but by this time, I felt so groggy and tummy still unsettled I didn't open my eyes. We send SIL at her place and reached home at almost 3. I felt dizzy for few days especially after breakfast and hubby's ear ache as he can't pressurized properly, but other than that we're fine. I can't wait to go for our next dive. I never thought I'd ever dive before :) Our next adventure... sky diving hehehe...

Of Challenging Week and Relationship

2010-05-11T10:00:00.004+08:00

Last week was a very challenging week. I have to be outstation for 5 days. My trip was not for training but to monitor and do spot check on our trainers. The initial plan was for me to visit 9 locations but due to accommodation arrangements and time constraint, we managed to visit only 8 and because our trainers did not follow plan, I can cut short my monitoring to 4 days. Thank God for that.

The challenges were:-
- the long road trip... a staff from the associate company accompanied me but I'm the only one driving.
- meeting with the big and not so big bosses with difficult demands
- accommodation arrangements not properly done
- watching our trainers not following instructions
- my cranky handphone acting up on me. The battery died only after half day use and will not charge with the new car charger.
- really tiring, energy-draining and not something I want to repeat in future
- missing hubby

I can't fully describe how tired I was. By the third day, I have to muster all my energy to smile and be nice to the demanding bosses and the trainers with so many excuses of why they did not follow the session plan. I feel like I have to drag my tired feet one after another to walk from the administration building to the classes. The heat didn't really help either. I can feel the sweat running down my back. Make-up? What make-up? Whatever powder you put on your face will melt in few minutes. My baju kurung swishy-swashy around my sweaty legs as I walked around the classes. No more 5-days monitoring for me no matter what the associate company says in the future.

I've discussed with hubby about not seeing each other for a 'long time' but in reality, it's a confirmation that we can't survive on long distance relationship. The boons of freelancing is more free time. In those free time, hubby and I are like horseshoe crab. Errr... doesn't sound nice when translated. Let's try again... macam belangkas. We go everywhere and do everything together. The bane of that, after being so used to the presence of one another, we'll feel lost when our other half is not around.

Hubby's already on his pre-merajuk mode when I returned home. We only have one night together before hubby has to leave for few days. He's around for the weekend but it's like being so near yet so far. Yesterday, I was already teary-eyed with a heavy lump in my chest. Thank God hubby's home later in the day.

All this reminded me of the girl who followed me during our trip last week. She's pissed off with one of her colleagues. The female colleague refuses to accompany any trainers on their monitoring rounds because her husband will be 'mati kutu' if left alone for 5 days. The girl, she doesn't even answer her boyfriend's phone call when she's with her friends. She can't stand a clingy person and feels everyone should be career-minded and professional in their work. The spouse should fully understand the partner's job as it requires the same commitment before the marriage so why should they be slacking just because they are married? I smiled as she ranted.

She kinda reminded me of myself when I was single and carefree. Dear girl, I'm sure you'll feel differently when you're married :) I know there are married couples who are very independent of one another and not mutually exclusive in any way whatsoever but if you're like most people I know, I'm sure you'll understand once you're married. You'll find out what 'mati kutu' feels like and the 'lost' feeling when your other half's not around.

I'm glad last week was over. I'm actually in the midst of preparing my monitoring report and claims but blogging feels more interesting. It has been a while since I last blogged and I'm blogging very sparsely nowadays. I have many other distractions :)

6 weeks

2010-03-28T20:24:00.004+08:00

Last time, the doctor recommended we wait for 6 months before we try again. We did not plan but as it happens, the time is just about right. Only, it didn't last very long. After a severe stomach cramp last night, I had a miscarriage again at 5 a.m. this morning. I didn't know what to feel.

After the previous miscarriage, my monthly cycle has gone haywire so when I was late, I wasn't really sure if I got pregnant again. There were many noticeable changes in my body but a negative test one week later baffles me. I waited for a few more days before another test and this time the line was very, very faint. Hubby didn't believe it was positive. I'm quite convinced because if it was negative, no matter how much you wish, you can't see 'the other line' at all. I did another test the next night and it was still faint.

It's OK if hubby didn't believe it's a positive. I feel the changes my body is going through. My period's late, didn't have much energy, sudden cravings for cheese, heart burn, higher body temperature, frequent urination (to the point of ridiculousness... 'I can't possibly want to go again!' kinda feeling) and the most difficult to ignore... the building of milk factory. It was swollen, tender and throbs painfully like a huge emergency signal. Warning! Warning! Avoid at all cost! Do not come near!

He changed his mind though after the second test. It was on Thursday night. I wasn't bleeding continuously like last time so maybe this time we have a chance. But the persistent low back pain and bloated tummy grew stronger on Saturday, the whole day. At night it turned to a really painful stomach cramp. It felt just like last time. I kinda know we didn't have a chance and it's just a matter of time. I didn't have time to really bond with my baby this time because the confirmation came late.

I'm sad it happens again. I'm worried as to what could have caused it. I can't be pregnant and keep having a miscarriage around the 6 weeks time. I didn't have time to feel emotional today except when I watched Army Wives and Joan gave birth to Sara Elizabeth. Thanks to the support from family. Maybe because I was surrounded by family, there's no time to feel emotional. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

The First 730 Days

2010-03-13T23:02:00.005+08:00

Today is our cotton anniversary. Thank you dear hubby for a wonderful week counting down to our 2nd year solemnization ceremony anniversary :) Love you so much.

We spend the day in Paris :) Our Paris with special memories hehehe...

And something that we'll remember forever... the menu of our first lunch meeting :) Just at different location though.

God willing, if we live up to 70-80 years old, I hope we will be just like the Chinese couple we saw when we went for a jog early this week. Walking with canes and holding hands while walking in the park. They looked so cute together. I'd welcome the holding hands part no matter what our age but wish we'd never require canes :)

Thank you abang and Happy Anniversary!

Touch and Tap

2010-02-28T10:15:00.004+08:00

I'm a happy user of a borrowed iPod touch :) I got excited about the ability to check my email quickly without having to switch on the laptop and the many applications available. There's Mobile RSS that syncs with my Google Reader, Yahoo Messenger, Facebook, ebooks, games, I can even keep track of that time of the month easily and discovered the consistency of the timing has been off for a few months. Then I got excited about the virtual aquarium and farming without having to announce to everyone in my FB list which stage I was on. It was awesome! Touch and tap, touch and tap tap...

The iPod belongs to hubby. The cables were stolen together with his laptop more than a year ago. We tried looking for the cables but it was really expensive back then. Nowadays with iPhone and newer generation of iPod touch, we could find cheaper cables. Hubby bought the cables but has not really been using his iPod. After a few months, he said I could use the iPod if I want to. Only after a few weeks later that I managed to really sit down an explore it. I updated the software (has to pay for it) and started downloading applications and now hubby's envious of the fishes that I scrambled to feed first before I lay down the table for lunch or dinner hehehe... It came to a point that I quickly went to get a new charger when the one we just bought died on me while my fishes were still not fed hahaha... He keeps reminding me that he only lends it to me every time I said how easy and convenient it is. Yes abang, I hear you.

Now I even touch and tap my handphone. Touch, touch, tap, tap... and nothing happens. Duh! Keypads my dear... keypads... We use Garmin on hubby's handphone and I started tapping and touching again whenever we're on the road. No doubt my next handphone purchase must definitely be a touch screen. Before using the iPod, I've been considering a mini laptop or netbook or blackberry or any really smart phone for immediate online access. I traveled with other trainers and how I envy them when they easily slipped out their netbook or other minis and started doing their things while waiting for the flight or something. My bulky 17" laptop stays in the bag.

With the iPod, I can now put such purchases on hold till i really find something that I like. I can now whip out my iPod whenever I go and started doing my things too :) I really am a proud borrower of the iPod. Till I went to Low Yat of course. While hubby went to check his faulty laptop battery, I walked around trying to find a casing for my iPod and that's when the seller will say... Ohhhh.... this is first generation iPod. It's a bit thicker. May not fit properly. Now fourth generation very thin. Sigh! We can't win with technology can we.

I've weaned myself off from the iPod a little bit by not rearing high maintenance fishes and only farm long term crops :) Now I can blog again and am using my laptop for the purpose. Typing on the iPod can test my patience as it will keep auto-correcting my spelling if I don't use proper English spelling. It's convenient but not perfect. Much like human relationship, no one is perfect isn't it.

Relationship 101

2010-02-06T09:15:00.001+08:00

I had a disagreement with hubby. It's about my driving and it's getting from bad to worse. Let me rephrase that. My driving is fine. Or at least I thought it is fine. For some reason hubby has no trust whatsoever when I'm behind the wheels. Last time, he used to complain about it but still let me drive. Nowadays he wont' let me drive at all despite him being so tired and yawning till his jaw cracked (metaphorically speaking). Obviously he thought it is safer for him to drive despite almost falling asleep at the wheels rather than let a fresher me drive the car.

I won't get an award for being the safest driver in Malaysia. Neither will he. But I have never had anyone distrust my driving capability at such intensity. I remember having positive comments about my driving skills from man and woman friends. I admit though I'm not good at all when I'm tired. I might miss turns, won't be able to park straight and might not be as alert when I'm exhausted. Who wouldn't?

How would you feel when someone you love doubted your capability on something that you have been doing for years and survived Alhamdulillah. For someone who put a complete trust on fate and destiny, qada' and qadar, he will not let his fate and destiny be in my hands so to speak. For someone who has lived most of her adult life alone and do things on her own which includes driving all over Peninsular Malaysia for work and leisure, I thought that fear is irrational. It is also difficult to accept that suddenly I felt like a handicapped person.

In a relationship, there are several key to happiness and ever after. I believe some of them are communication, respect, trust, appreciation and recognition. All of them very delicate in nature.

From his point of view, he just can't help it that he feels unsafe when I took the wheels. From his point of view, I should respect that feeling as to him it's the most important matter of life and death.

From my point of view, I can't live with the fact that my husband distrust my driving for the rest of my life. How can I live with the fact that other people might appreciate my driving skills but not my husband?

So how would you communicate and improve the situation? In marriage I believe there are times where you should just grit your teeth and accept it. When two people who have different personalities live together, there are bound to be differences of believe, opinion, behavior and attitude. Just ask yourself in the long run, will it matter if you raise a ruckus over a certain issue. If it is not worth it, or if it will not support you in the Hereafter, just grit your teeth, accept it and let it go. It will be more pleasant for the rest of your married life and peace of mind.

So in this case, who should concede... grit teeth and accept the situation? Should I humor hubby who's troubled with the matter of life and death or me with a bruised ego? I can only argue for my case in this matter.

Obviously, this issue is very important to me or I would've just grit my teeth and let it go. At my lowest point, I can understand how some relationship becomes irreparable over petty issues. They might appear petty to us but could be a big deal to them as it involves trust, respect, honor, etc. I can understand how another relationships can be formed when you have the ability to communicate, you have the trust, respect, appreciation and recognition that you don't get with your existing relationship. As I've mentioned earlier, I can't live with the fact that we have to face the same situation every time we're on the road and we have to be on the road in a long journey very very often. It's an insult whether he meant it or not.

Hubby let me drive half way on our journey back yesterday. Did I win? It is not a game and I certainly didn't feel like I won anything. I do appreciate the fact that despite the fear, he let me take the wheels. I wish we had better communication over this matter though. I didn't feel like we've resolved anything really. The perception is... "So you really want to drive is it? Now drive!" No comments, no apologies, nothing! So what now?

I have lived alone for a big part of my adult life and had a relatively happy life so my tolerance to emotional blackmail or emotional torture is very low. That is certainly my weakness and I'm working on it. There will always be ups and downs in a relationship. When some issues arise, I will ask, "Is it worth it?", to keep myself in perspective. There's the bigger picture to look at i.e. the rest of our life and the Hereafter. There is no point in winning the war but losing the battle.

I might not be able to explain this situation articulately but the emotion of being trusted, appreciated, recognized and respected in every way is very important to me. Without all that, what's the point of life? It became meaningless.

Exciting Weekend Anticipated

2010-01-29T21:32:00.003+08:00

I'm anticipating a very exciting weekend because I had to work for the past two weekends. So this weekend... I have this positive anticipation of a great weekend ahead especially while watching Samantha Brown exploring exciting places in different continents.

I hope the weather will be great because a cloudy weather and gray skies will affect my mood. I have to complete a training proposal due this weekend though but I'm adamant I'm going to enjoy this weekend nevertheless. A busy week awaits come Monday. So what shall I do when I have all the time to myself?

Let's jot down the must do things... laundry, training proposal, packing.
The nice to be able to do things: gardening, walk/jog in the park, spa and shopping. I really, really, really NEED to go shopping. A real shopping. Not grocery shopping. I have a few things in mind that I need to but never got a chance to really do a proper shopping since last year. Yeah I missed the year end sale.

We need to plan a holiday too. Hubby's busier this time around and thank God I'm busy too as that means it's a good start for me this year. But we really need a holiday. Anyway, I'm going to put that thought on hold and enjoy this weekend. Really, really enjoy it :)

Flight Cabin Pressure

2010-01-17T08:11:00.002+08:00

I have just completed a 2-days 1-night training in Alor Setar. About 2 weeks ago I felt feverish but no fever. Then I felt fine till last 2 days that I had to conduct my training despite the fever and flu. It was the kind of fever where I still have appetite to eat and no headache and dizziness so thank God for small miracles I managed to handle the training till it ends. What makes it worse is the aircond and there's nothing I can do about it.

On the flight return last night, Boeing 737-400, I prepared myself for the cabin pressure by buying some chewing gum. With the flu and stuffed nose, I need all the help I can get to handle the ear pressure during landing time. So by the time the plane started to descend, I started chewing the gum vigorously. I felt OK but I still heard some movement of air pressure in my ear drum at the different levels as we descend. I chew, chew and chew and then there's an excruciating pressure in my left ear. The pain felt so sharp until I felt as if I was having a tooth pain and I can't even chew the gum with my left molar because my gum feels tender. Is it possible to have such pressure till it felt as if your tooth is being extracted? I pressed both ears with my fingers trying to ease the pain. Not just my ear drums but my sinus bones and head also felt like bursting. That was the worst ear pressure I've ever felt during landing time.

Then I felt partly deaf as I can only hear with my right ears till I went to bed last night. Thank God I can hear fine this morning. The only thing is when I blow my nose, I felt pressure again in my left ear. I can handle turbulent flight, I can handle air pocket, I felt no fear whatsoever of flying but I'm developing fear of the landing time. Aaarrrggghhhhh...... save my head! Save my head! It's about to burst!

Hopes and Expectations

2010-01-04T22:50:00.002+08:00

Tonight I have my hopes and expectations rose higher than a mountain... and then it came crashing down on the sharp thorny rocks of the mountain side and tumble down further into the deep ravine. Sigh! All less in ten minutes. Double sigh!! I can still feel the pain on my chest... it feels heavy as if my lungs were compressed, it's difficult to breathe... I have to take few long deep breaths and my facial muscle tightened... it's difficult to smile.

I thought of Stephen Covey's 90-10 Principle and tried to apply it here but it has been extremely difficult. I thought of Tony Robbins conditioning techniques and tried to apply it here... it wasn't easy too :( Things will get better tomorrow. When you're down, the only way to go is up. If you draw an emotional chart of your life you'd see when you feel down, and the graph is at a low point, it will climb up again after that. The only way to go is up. I know all this and yet it's difficult to make this heavy feeling in my chest go away.

When I think rationally about it, it's probably just a small issue. I wish my emotion can feel the same way. I wish this chest pain will go away.

No to Y.E.S

2010-01-03T12:21:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling feverish this past 2 days. I have the sore throat, flu, chills, fever breath and heavy head but no fever. At least if there's fever, I can take something for it. Now I just walk around the house feeling a little bit like a zombie or walking on the moon. I'm trying home made remedies like honey and warm water hoping to get well soon.

So despite planning to enjoy the Year End Sale atmosphere like getting myself a new handbag, pants and blouses, going window shopping and blending with the crowd, I decided to just stay at home and recuperate. Sigh! It's a tough decision really because I've been looking forward to my free time so I can go shopping but maybe there's a good reason why I shouldn't be out there in the crowd despite the end of year end sale today. There will be many more sales in future so I just have to be patient. I also got a tip from Jusco salesman that there'll be Jusco Member's Day soon. I don't really like to join the crowd during Jusco Card Member's Day but there are a few things that I really need. So I'll brave the crowd, get what I want and get out of the place fast!

2010

It's New Year already and we kinda have the first 2 weeks planned and the time seems to come and go in a rush. I've just finished reading an article by Dr. MAZA entitled "Mencari Keberkatan Masa" and his writing gives me new insights and I'd like to share my thoughts here as a reminder to myself and other readers.

Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. Some seems to accomplish much during that 24 hours and some seems to be running around in circles not accomplishing anything. We may have forgotten to find the 'barakah' in the time given by Allah that we may have taken for granted. We assume we are going to have that 24 hours day in, day out. We delay, postpone and procrastinate some activities thinking that we have all the time in the world to do it later. What if we don't? We never know when our time will come to meet our Maker.

We are healthy now, we may get sick in future. We are able to support ourselves now, we may not have the same luxury in future. We may have great plans, dreams and aspirations in our lives but without His consent and 'barakah', we may not be able to achieve and accomplish what we want. So do not forget to pray and ask from Him to bless our time.

"Ya Haiyyum, Ya Qayyum, dengan rahmatMu daku memohon pertolongan. Baikilah seluruh urusanku, dan janganlah Engkau serahkan diriku ini kepadaku walaupun sekelip mata." (Riwayat an-Nasai)

Have a great 2010 everyone :)

SuNfLoWeR.cOm's New Home

2009-12-27T11:49:00.003+08:00

I've just transferred all my blog entries from http://sue.frens.net back to Blogger. I've been having problems posting entries there for quite some time already and upon checking I discovered I have exceeded the disk space allocated. While I appreciate the service given at such a low price, I feel I have not received the feedback I wanted when I needed some answers to my questions recently. Rather than bang my head against the wall, I switched to something I can understand with a user-friendly interface. SuNfLoWeR.cOm has been around for 6 years. I hope it will continue publishing my thoughts for many more years to come.

Y E S - Year End Story

2009-12-19T22:01:00.000+08:00

This year, November and December has been a very busy months for me. Busy means I have training and that means I have income :) But so busy till I have no time to do Y.E.S. That's year end sale.

The end of this year also marks an important milestone in my life. I have been freelancing for a year now. There were times when I have more free time and there were times when I wish I have more free times. All in all it has been a very fruitful journey where I learned a lot, met some nice people and some with interesting characters. Income wise, averaged over 12 months period is about the same as my take-home pay when I was working full time. Not bad for 1st year working on my own.

With the new contacts made and new opportunities explored, I hope I'll have more projects next year. This year, my trainings averaged 4-5 days per month. I'd like to increase it to 10 days next year. Hubby and I has to be mentally prepared when I'm busy with outstation trainings. It could be an emotional roller coaster ride for us when we're apart for a long period. My dear hubby hates me when he misses me too much and I get annoyed with him when that happens. Sigh! I've tried to keep in touch as much as I can but sometimes things didn't work out as planned.

I've invested in a prepaid broadband modem to be used when I'm outstation and wifi is not available or ridiculously priced. I even brought a microphone recently so we can skype. My laptop mic is lousy. I even got a room to myself during my recent outstation training trip. No roommate. However, the phone coverage is very bad. Even making phone calls and SMS can be a challenge.

I prefer outstation training to local training due to one reason. I don't have to beat the traffic in the morning to get to the training location. The stress of facing unavoidable traffic situation can be overwhelming.

Well... I just have to make the best of every situation. There are some things that I can control and some that I can't. Working full time, I have control over income but not job commitments. I may be able to plan shorter outstation trips and plan training schedule but things can get hectic and I may end up not able to follow plan at all. Working on my own, I have no control over income and trainings conducted as it is based on demand. I'll agree to training request if I'm free because I'll never know if next time I have trainings to conduct. The consolation of working on my own is the personal satisfaction and the free time when there's no training.

That's life. We can't have our cake and eat it too. We work hard to make a living. I'm not sympathetic to those who sit around and hope for money to come down from the sky. That's another story. Anyway, I have one more training to do before end of the year. Then I can take a breather for a while.

My Hubby Said...

2009-11-14T08:14:00.000+08:00

If you dig my old blog entries, I'm sure you'd find a few that mentioned on the benefits of staying single. To be fair, today I'd like to mention some benefits of being married :) In life, everything has its pros and cons. Neither is really better than the other. What makes it the best depends on the choices we made and the mindset we choose to hold.

Hubby has wondered whether I prefer my single or married life. I told him both are different. Being single, go dig my past entries. Being married, I have a best friend for life :) What do best friends do? They talked about anything and everything, they do everything together, they pleases one another, they share many things, they wanted the best for their best friend and they become a witness to their best friend's life. I have many good friends throughout the different period in my life. I still keep in touch with some of them but different geographical location and life commitments causes everyone's priority to change. I have never had a single best friend from my childhood till now. Now I do :) From the moment he said the akad, by Allah's will... till death do us part, I have a best friend for life.

Being married, your other half's opinion matters. It's good for check and balance like the moment I felt like splurging on a handbag. Not my regular splurging but real BIGggg splurging. I suddenly have a cravings for a really expensive handbag :) How expensive is expensive? Just something in the range of RM400 to RM1500. Yup... just something around that figure hehehe... No... hubby didn't say no. He just said he didn't really like the design. Good tactic hubby, good tactic... but it works. Hubby said he didn't mind really. Of course he doesn't cause if it is not my necessity, I pay for it. But I value his second opinion anyway.

Being married, you'd like to share your other half's opinion with others as well. When people say my hubby said this and that, you can also do the same. It's like staking a claim that you're part of an equation too. That shows you're committed to somebody and you matters to them. Even if whatever hubby said could be something that you can't do, you'd mention it with a certain level of fondness. For example, hubby said "jangan jeling-jeling orang lain" or "jangan balik malam-malam"... that shows he cares isn't it. Yup... being married is knowing someone cares for you.

When I keep mentioning hubby said this, hubby said that... it's a sign that I missed him too much :) Lately, I've been busy. Hubby said, "sayang bini, bini tinggal-tinggalkan" hehehe.... Hmmmm... we have to make the best of whatever time we can spend together when either one of us is busy. I'm going outstation again on Monday. It surely makes us appreciate the free time we can spend with each other. Absence make your heart grow fonder. I'm looking forward to not so busy time... but if I'm always not busy, I can't splurge on expensive handbags :) Balance... balance... we have to find the perfect balance in life.

What Did I Do?

2009-11-13T17:09:00.000+08:00

What did I do? ...stress on 'I'

Life is full of ups and downs. Smiles and laughter, tears and sadness... they are all spices of life. Everyone knows that and somehow can accept that as facts of life. But we certainly did not appreciate the time and moment when we feel sad or when someone makes us cry... especially when we're not at fault. Who does isn't it? The question now is what do you DO under the circumstances? What CAN you do?

You can explain... you can cry... you can apologize... you can ignore... you can live with it... you can do nothing! What would YOU do?

What would I do? Normally I'd put up a brave exterior but internally, I'd want to run and hide, go as far away as I can from all the injustice. "La tahzan!" Don't be sad... do'a orang yang teraniaya Allah makbulkan. That's my consolation because it certainly makes me feel 'teraniaya' when I have to deal with all the negativity that does not originates from me. Some people can't separate between issues and people or emotional and rational. Thus, we have to face the brunt of their emotions. Sigh! I know that's life... but it's not that easy to deal with isn't it?

Services That Didn't Make Sense

2009-11-07T22:54:00.000+08:00

I was invited to attend a briefing by a private hospital about a health program. Those who attended will be given a complimentary blood test voucher. I've always heard hospitals conducted talks or programs to inculcate awareness to the public about certain health issues. So I thought why not spend half a day for something that might be useful to me. The complimentary blood test voucher was not the carrot for me to attend. I can't even remember where I put it. Maybe the offer has expired by now.

They started with a 1-to-1 consultation session. I had a nice chat with my consultant. He tried to make a strong point about being aware of our health at all times so we can take the necessary measures if something goes wrong. I couldn't disagree with that. Until he introduces a confusing plan to achieve that awareness. It was a full medical check-up plan that you have to pay RM600++ per year for. I thought that was very reasonable don't you think so? In fact, very very affordable. Once he got me interested, I was introduced to the financial manager who will elaborate more about the plan.

That's when I discovered I have wasted half a day of my life listening to something that didn't make sense. Anyway, I could write about it one of these days. I'm blogging about it now just so I'll remember the event and the ridiculousness of the idea. This event took place few weeks back. It has always been at the back of my mind... I just didn't have the time to put it down in writing.

You see... I'm not a fan of paying for services not yet rendered. That would include long-term commitment to fitness centres, spas and salons, anything... By long term, I mean 1 year or more. This plan concocted by the private hospital is for 18 years or more. The plan A includes spouses which costs up to RM44,000. On top of the RM600++ paid yearly. There's a discount for the RM44,000 if we sign immediately. Only when I told them I'm not interested, they revealed plan B which is for individual and transferable which costs RM20,000++. I've forgotten the exact amount. There's a discount as well if we sign immediately.

To finance the amount, you can either use your credit card to pay in installments or take up a personal loan. They even have some panel financial institutions that would approve your application.

I know sales people. I've done sales training for sales people. They can't play up my emotions by bringing to my attention how those who knew about the cost of full medical check-up wouldn't hesitate to sign up immediately, about how non-Malays would not pass up such good opportunity. Hellooo... I'm thinking about practicality here. That old school tactic only pushed me away further. If you know non-Malays would not pass up such opportunity then why call us the cekai Melayu to attend your talk? Enlightened me if I'm wrong... but unless you're a phobic of something, I don't think that many healthy people will be so obsessed about doing a full medical check up every year. Every 2-3 years maybe. Other than that, maybe just pap smear or any special check up that you want to do every year.

Let's say you took the 18 years full medical check-up plan. What happened if you discovered you have cancer after 5 years? You'd go for treatment of course. What's the use of the balance 13 years of medical check-up. If you're undergoing medical treatment, I'm sure your health will be monitored. Full medical check will be redundant. The plan is transferable... well, why don't just sell plan B? Spouses and family members can use it together. Whatever it is, I still prefer to pay AFTER a service has been rendered. I'd rather pay RM3,000 whenever I feel like going for a medical check-up rather than get a loan to pay RM44,000 for services not yet rendered. Medical insurance... make sense. This medical check-up plan just didn't.

I've paid in advance for my spa visits. Only the 3x plan that has to be used within 1 month. I've paid 3 months in advance for my yoga classes which I ended up not using all of it but I'm OK with short term commitments like that.

I wanted to see the list of check-up done to compare it with the general full medical check-up given by any other clinic and hospital. They refuse to give it to me. They claimed to give more thorough check-up and has more in the list than offered elsewhere. I certainly like to compare them. Who knows checking our pulses is considered as one. We can only get the list once we signed up. OK if there's a cooling period for us so we can do our homework and cancel if we don't like what we found but there's none. Insurance plan clearly has better offer than this.

What's the point of me writing about this? I might be able to use them as an example in one of my training about service and the value of service, perceived or real. And also about how desperate some companies are to come up with unreasonable products and/or services on the pretense of valuing their customer. No you certainly don't value your customer. I don't feel it either in perception or reality. You only care about your bottomline... your profit. No doubt every where you go companies would give a lip service about caring for their customer but customers are not stupid.

Just like if you declare your love to someone, you better show it. That someone better feel it or else there'll be no relationship. So this company's plan A and plan B showed their love for the customer's money and not the customer themselves. So... bad strategy there.

Busy Is Good... No?

2009-11-06T20:11:00.000+08:00

I have just completed a 10-days training marathon. Phewwww.... There were 2 training sessions. The first session was for 3 days, the 2nd session was for 7 days 6 nights. I felt so claustrophobic staying in one hotel for the whole week. It was only in Shah Alam but we finished very late and start too early in the morning for us to return home. Some participants wrote in the feedback form, "the training should take longer because there were too many things to learn". I was like... oh nooo... I don't think I can handle it. The rainy days didn't help either. Despite having to walk out from the hotel lobby to go to our training room, it just didn't feel like a real open space.

I told hubby the moment the training ends and I was driving back, I felt so free like the birds flying on the sky. I feel like I need to commune with nature. Go jungle trekking somewhere. I certainly need a good massage. I felt like going shopping too. I probably need a new handbag and a few good books. Sigh! Too many things to do before my next training in 3 days time. And the laundry that needs to be done... arrrggghhhh...

Hubby's birthday was on the 3rd. I haven't got the time to plan anything. I managed to make some arrangements with an associate trainer to cover for me the night before hubby's birthday. I was from Shah Alam, hubby's from Gombak. I managed to reached home few minutes before hubby arrived. On the spur of a moment, I decided to stop at a florist and bought hubby some flower. The moment I reached home, opened the grill and door, quickly hid it in one of the rooms. Hubby arrived before I managed to lock the grill so he must've thought I just arrived. Hehehe... my secret was safe.

Fitting flower from me to hubby isn't it :)

We went to have a nice dinner. I wanted to wait till after midnight before I gave hubby the flower but I was so tired I might konked out the moment my head touches the pillow so he got his flower earlier :) Happy Birthday Dearest Hubby.

It's difficult for us when I was busy. I can handle things and situation if hubby's busy... but not when I'm busy. Maybe because when we're not so busy, I can spend time to pamper hubby and be pampered... even if hubby's busy, I can follow him on his outstation trip or his meetings, so I felt a sense of loss when I'm busy. Once when I was having dinner alone at the hotel, the singer sang one romantic songs after another which makes me missed hubby so much. I called hubby just to hear his voice and tell him I missed him. That turned out to be NOT such a good idea. I cried but has to control the quiver in my voice so I wouldn't worry hubby. I just hope people around didn't notice my tears or thought something got into my eyes. Sigh!

Next time I have to be more careful with my training arrangements. In my line of work, that's not really a luxury but we have a choice. We have to live with the choices we made. Money or family, leisure or work, health or wealth... So whatever it is... be it!

The Sun vs. The Heart

2009-10-26T09:53:00.000+08:00

The sun is shining very brightly today. Even before 7 a.m., the heat can be felt already. Normally my mood followed the weather but I don't feel as bright as the sunshine today. For one, hubby is not around. He has other commitments and obligations to attend to. Then, there is this headache. It is not throbbing very badly but enough to make me feel uncomfortable. I have endured worst headaches than this because I'm allergic to panadol and pain killers. Normally it happens because I didn't take my meals on time. It will magically disappear after I've eaten something. Of course there are other causes as well which sometimes will go away if I sleep it off. This time, I started feeling it since yesterday. I think I have enough food and it is still very early for me to sleep it off again.

I also can't seem to stop thinking about something that has happened. I'm at a loss as to whether I'm being reasonable or not. What's the underlying reason if any. Because sometimes we do certain things as a reaction to some event or situation. I make a decision based on other surrounding factors that seemed to support my decision. When the surrounding factor crashed and crumbled, what was once a right decision can become a wrong one. I've asked myself what do I really want. There is some answer but I thought that 'want' could be very unreasonable depending on the circumstances. And if the surrounding factor crash and crumble again, I might not be able to handle it emotionally.

I'm normally a reasonable person but a human being nevertheless with feelings and emotions which can sometimes be difficult to manage. Should I just stay away and avoid anything that might cause emotional upheaval or do I be reasonable and schooled my heart to behave? I don't have the answer....

I have some tasks to do that I better handle now. At the same time, I hope I get the answer I'm looking for.

From Hubby...

2009-10-26T07:25:00.000+08:00

Aamiin...

Credit Card

2009-10-24T16:29:00.000+08:00

I have 3 credit cards. All of them have no annual fee and I only use 1 actively where all my spending are within my budget. If the RM50 service tax is imposed, I might cancel all card in protest even though that would make my life difficult. Why should a reasonable card holder like me be charged service tax that would enrich the government's coffer on which they spent without care. Just look at the Auditor General's report.

It might be difficult for me if there's an emergency cases where I need extra cash like the time we missed our flight and has to buy a new ticket there and then. It will be so troublesome to pay for petrol at the petrol station if we didn't use credit card. It will be difficult to pay for online purchases. I heard they also impose service charges on debit card. Sigh! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Saturday October 24, 2009
RM50 service tax for card holders

A SERVICE tax of RM50 will be imposed on each principal credit card every year beginning Jan 1.

For every supplementary card, a RM25 service tax will be charged yearly.

The move to impose this tax is to promote prudent spending as the use of credit cards is extensive. The number of cards increased from two million in 1997 to 11 million as of August this year. They exclude the 285,000 charge cards already issued.

Muslim Consumer Association of Malaysia secretary-general Datuk Dr Ma’amor Osman said it would encourage consumers to limit the number of credit cards they hold.

“Instead of having five or six credit cards, it will encourage consumers to reduce their cards to only one or two because it will be costly to pay service tax, interest, finance charges and so on,” he said.

Penang Consumer Protection Association president K. Koris said the service charge would not deter people from continuing to use their cards.

He added that the Government should instead re-look at imposing a restriction for credit cards and allow only those earning a minimum salary of RM5,000 a month to qualify for cards.

KPMG partner Ooi Kok Seng said the RM50 service tax would burden the lower income group but many would continue applying for multiple credit cards as they depended on the credit facilities.

He added that a significant number from the lower income group paid their credit card bills via installments and would not be able to write off the cards immediately.

Meanwhile, in a statement, the Penang Chinese Chamber of Commerce urged the Government to review the proposal as it would hinder domestic spending.

It suggested that the Goverment impose service charge on the second and subsequent cards.

Meanwhile, office clerk S. Siva, 48, plans to return eight of his nine credits on Monday morning.

“I definitely won’t be able to afford the service charge if I keep all my nine cards,” he said.

Siva said although he had nine cards, he only used one and only signed up for the rest after being told that all fees would be waived for life.